" I have to, first and foremost, admit that some of the reason I rated this book as only three stars had to do with the fact that it probably wasn't written for someone like me. Although I have a very close relationship with my mother, and many of the things in the book did, in fact, apply to my relationship with her, the focal point was the relationship between mothers and daughters, not mothers and sons. With that said, I still thought there were some really good things in the book. I particularly liked the chapter about mothers and daughters being worst enemies, as it exposed some of the things I thought had been lacking up to that point: namely, the assumption that perhaps not all argument-initiating comments were meant harmlessly, and that some were perhaps meant maliciously, as ways to control. I also like the final chapter, which (ironically) I liked because it stated just the opposite: that often times comments that seem like criticism may just need a reframe, or clarification with questions and metaconversation.
My biggest criticism with this book is simply that I think Tannen consistently takes too much of the perspective of the daughter, failing to account for the emotional and psychological struggles of the mother. It would seem that this could be a result of a few different things. For one, Tannen seams to glean many of her examples from account by her students, which would probably be predominantly daughters, or at least not mothers with adult daughters themselves (since mother/adult daughter interactions are the focal point of the book). Another aspect might be because Tannen never had a daughter of her own. I don't know this, but having so commonly mentioned her mother and not her daughter, one might assume this to be true. In any case, I found myself wanting to advocate for the mothers as I read the book, despite the fact that Tannen even mentions that she tries extra-hard to be even-handed in this respect. She still falls a bit short in my opinion.
With that said, I very much recommend this to daughters struggling with their mothers for reasons they might not fully understand, as it may shed some light on a) reasons their troubles are forming, and b) things they might do to fix it. "
— Alex, 2/11/2014