You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation Audiobook

" A good book, some parts felt redundant though. "

" I have to, first and foremost, admit that some of the reason I rated this book as only three stars had to do with the fact that it probably wasn't written for someone like me. Although I have a very close relationship with my mother, and many of the things in the book did, in fact, apply to my relationship with her, the focal point was the relationship between mothers and daughters, not mothers and sons. With that said, I still thought there were some really good things in the book. I particularly liked the chapter about mothers and daughters being worst enemies, as it exposed some of the things I thought had been lacking up to that point: namely, the assumption that perhaps not all argument-initiating comments were meant harmlessly, and that some were perhaps meant maliciously, as ways to control. I also like the final chapter, which (ironically) I liked because it stated just the opposite: that often times comments that seem like criticism may just need a reframe, or clarification with questions and metaconversation. My biggest criticism with this book is simply that I think Tannen consistently takes too much of the perspective of the daughter, failing to account for the emotional and psychological struggles of the mother. It would seem that this could be a result of a few different things. For one, Tannen seams to glean many of her examples from account by her students, which would probably be predominantly daughters, or at least not mothers with adult daughters themselves (since mother/adult daughter interactions are the focal point of the book). Another aspect might be because Tannen never had a daughter of her own. I don't know this, but having so commonly mentioned her mother and not her daughter, one might assume this to be true. In any case, I found myself wanting to advocate for the mothers as I read the book, despite the fact that Tannen even mentions that she tries extra-hard to be even-handed in this respect. She still falls a bit short in my opinion. With that said, I very much recommend this to daughters struggling with their mothers for reasons they might not fully understand, as it may shed some light on a) reasons their troubles are forming, and b) things they might do to fix it. "

" an interesting take on mother-daughter relationships that i think any mom or daughter can probably relate to. "

" Sometimes I just have to see something in writing before it makes sense. Everything in this book was so "Yes, of course!" but seeing all these examples in one place really put it in perspective for me. It helped me understand why we do what we do, why we say what we say. "

" Deborah Tannen never disappoints as she has that ability to speak with her audience in a very confidential manner. Like my mother and like a friend sometimes she speaks on matters, I was a little uncomfortable with. So I had to put the book down and think on how it effected me personally, before taking the subject up again. Want so much to pass on to my mother and daughters both. "

" This is a book that seems to be written for mothers but I do believe that it is great for daughters, and women in general. Again, Deborah Tannen describes how women use converstation MUCH differently than men. We obtain but joy and frustration from these interactions... she highlights aspects of conversation that I never would have realized. "

" An invaluable insight into the sometimes complicated relationship between mothers and daughters. Practical, useful and reassuring. "

" I agree with Dr. Tannen when she states that this is the mother of all relationships. This book nicely sums up important communication, psychotherapy, and emotionally focused theory. She humorously and gently makes her points with poignant family stories and anecdotes. "

" Fantastic book! Really helped me understand some issues and gave some good advice..a perfect read for any daughter or mother who needs some insights. "

" I bring this book up ALL THE TIME! "

" I love Deborah Tannen's work but was dubious that I would learn anything new. Boy was I wrong- lots of aha's and insights! "

" Oh so funny!! It explains so much about my relationship with my mother. "

" A thorough and interesting examination of why mothers and daughters can be so close and yet drive each other insane sometimes. I'll be recommending it to my own mother! "

" wish I had read this while my mother was still alive. it would have explained alot. should be read by every woman even if she did communicate well with her mother/daughter/grandmother "

" Better for my little girls, than informative for me and my mom. We are at a space beyond most of what she talks about. "

" Enjoyed the stories interspersed with the psychology. Don't know if it applies to my own life but I do like the glimpses into other people's lives. "

" Very good explanation of discourse between mothers and daughters "

" Although I enjoyed the book, it seemed to only broach subject matter. not go in as much in depth as I would have liked. "

" Not at all what I thought it would be. Very disappointing. "

" The title captures the misunderstandings that can cause conflict between mothers and daughters. Dr. Tannen collects the most amazing exchanges and seeks healing for all. Communication and relationships remain challenges. "

" I'm reading this book at the moment thinking how hard it is to be a daughter - and I feel reassured that I am not the only one in the world that has to deal with a mother like mine.. "

" This was an interesting read, especially if you are a daughter or a mother, and many of the discussions will hit home. The only thing that disapointed me was that Tannen never really offers useful and/or practical strategies to help avoid miscommunication between mothers and daughters. "

" a little disappointed that author only speaks from role of daughter. missing some important points of view of the relationships. "

" The linguist my husband always wanted me to be (best-selling author). Dead on again. "

" Happy Mother's Day! This was the perfect book to read in the month of May. I learned a lot about my relationship with my mother, & most importantly I think that I learned some things I can do to be a better mother & a better mother-in-law. "

" I loved her business-focused book, "Talking From 9 to 5," so when I saw this for 50 cents at the library sale, I picked it up. It was really good! I definitely recommend it. "

" Great insight into the transactions between mother and daughter...the most complex human relationship God ever invented! If you have a daughter or are one, read it. "

" Great normalizing read about teen and adult mother-daughter relationships. Helped me gain perspective into my own relationship, why my mom does what she does and why I respond the way I do. Has also given me some insight into how to move forward more easily. "

" Ah-ha! So that's what's going on with my mother. If you have a mother that drives you crazy, or are a mother driving a daughter crazy or vice versa...read some pages. It will enlighten you. "

" Although I enjoyed the book, it seemed to only broach subject matter. not go in as much in depth as I would have liked. "

" Eye opening. Something for all mother's and daughters to read. "

" As is the case with so many nonfiction books, I found the writing clunky and the information sparse and repetitive. There just wasn't enough here to make it worth reading, in my opinion. "

" I don't usually get into non-fiction, but this book really hit home. I was amazed at how much sense Tannen's philosophy made to me. And honestly, not only has reading it improved my communication with my mother, but it has improved my relationship with my daughter as well. Worth the read, ladies. "

" It was ok. I had high hopes because of reading her book about sisters, that I very much loved. But this book, it wasn't the same. Not as enlightening. Interesting - ish. "

" A linguist's look at mother/daughter relations. 288 pages. "

" This gave me an interesting perspective on why conversations sometimes go a very different than expected with one's mother, and (hopefully) will make me a little less quick to jump to the un-intended conclusion on what's the message behind the words. "

" Interesting book, though I'm not sure I got a lot of helpful ideas about my relationship with my mom, or hers with me. "

" Fantastic book! Really helped me understand some issues and gave some good advice..a perfect read for any daughter or mother who needs some insights. "

" Started it but couldn't quite get into it. "