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Download I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking In Families Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking In Families, by Deborah Tannen Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (154 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Deborah Tannen Narrator: Deborah Tannen Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio Format: Abridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: May 2001 ISBN: 9780743548588
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Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic -- even when we're all adults.

Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages -- unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said.

Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen explores what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.

This eye-opening audiobook explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers -- and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters, why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives. BY helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age. Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • “Tannen’s study is at once learned, imaginative, and accessible: a must-read for both parents and children.” 

    Barnes & Noble, editorial review

  • “[Tannen] convincingly shows how threads of family history and emotion add weight and complexity to everyday exchanges…Parents of teenagers may also find some good insights in Tannen’s clear-sighted analysis of how clashing frames of reference undermine communication.” 

    Publishers Weekly

  • “Lively prose and [a] genuine concern for people…a fine stimulant to conversation, constructive argument, and research. Essential.” 

    Library Journal

Listener Opinions

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Eric | 12/19/2013

    " Some valuable tips for awkward, sometimes necessary conversations. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Selika | 10/26/2013

    " When I lend it, people fall in love. It's a good way to break problematic communications patterns and deal with difficult family members. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Apple Gilr | 6/16/2012

    " it's a great book ^^ "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Caroline | 9/9/2011

    " didn't finish..but read enough to get the main points of it. Now, I see myself thinking of the book a lot when I communicate with others. the alignment theory is very interesting. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Laura | 7/25/2011

    " Commonsensical but very good read. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Diane | 2/24/2011

    " It was easy to read. I now know what my siblings think of me. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Marita | 5/16/2010

    " Very helpful to know about the usual and different ways and styles people communicate. Had to laugh about the differences in the ways boys and girls talk. So true!!! Loved it. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Christine | 4/1/2010

    " Really just skimmed this but some of the points were interesting. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Jan | 2/24/2010

    " Good real life examples of communication breakdowns but I was hoping for more suggestions and ideas on improving communication to strengthen relationships. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Donna | 2/14/2010

    " After the few first chapters of the book explained the dual communication embedded in every conversation: literal message and metamessage, as well as illustrating each conversation's ability to create alignments of power and connection between participants, the text became repetitious. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Mohamed | 1/23/2010

    " talking about many things to do .....this book is great idea of a great thinker

    it's simply an answer of whhy we Say " I Only say that because i love u "

    why do misunderstand each other


    know all that in that book "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Donna | 3/13/2009

    " After the few first chapters of the book explained the dual communication embedded in every conversation: literal message and metamessage, as well as illustrating each conversation's ability to create alignments of power and connection between participants, the text became repetitious. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Diane | 7/10/2008

    " It was easy to read. I now know what my siblings think of me. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Marita | 5/13/2008

    " Very helpful to know about the usual and different ways and styles people communicate. Had to laugh about the differences in the ways boys and girls talk. So true!!! Loved it. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Hø?e | 1/13/2008

    " sometimes we become forced to read a book, and that what happend. It was a gift and I really had to read it and tell my openion!
    Umm, It was ok. "

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