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Extended Audio Sample You Just Dont Understand Audiobook, by Deborah Tannen Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (2,432 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Deborah Tannen Narrator: Deborah Tannen Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio Format: Abridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: June 1991 ISBN: 9780743545358
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Deborah Tannen's #1 bestseller revolutionized the way men and women talk -- and listen -- to each other -- at home, at work, and wherever the communication gap between the sexes can lead to troublesome misunderstandings. The problem dates back to childhood, when boys and girls learn to use language in distinctly different ways; years later, their adult efforts to talk often place them at cross purposes -- even when both are sincerely trying to communicate.

Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends, With You Just Don't Understand, you'll recognize yourself and your own efforts to be understood -- and gain valuable insight to help you communicate better than ever before. Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • “Utterly fascinating…A classic in the field.” 

    San Francisco Chronicle

  • A New York Times Bestseller

Listener Opinions

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Sally | 2/10/2014

    " Forget "Men are from Mars". This book is less pop and more psychology. The author is a linguist who has studied the differences in the way men and women communicate. The findings are fascinating and a must-read for any woman, and anyone who ever converses with anybody else. Yes, that means I am recommending this book to you. It's full of great anecdotes and will change the way you think about communicating. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Lynn Pribus | 2/2/2014

    " I wish this book had been around when I first got married. It would have saved a lot of bother! I give it as a wedding present. I don't know whether the recipients read it or not, but if they don't they are missing a big short cut to a happy marriage. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Jessica Weleski | 1/30/2014

    " I was constantly stopping and comparing this book with my own life. I was amused that I would find myself seeing social situations differently after reading the book. Some of the facts discovered were merely amusing, but I discovered communication patterns that I might be able to change to my practical benefit as well. This book also makes me want to read Tannen's books about mother-daughter and sister-sister communication patterns, sections of which I'm sure I will find uproariously funny and sobering at turns since those were my typical reactions during this read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Christina Boyle | 1/27/2014

    " This book is famous. And it's funny how much of the conclusions have seeped into popular culture. I finally read and it was fun to tick through all the differences in men and women's approaches to conversational style. I thought the book was dense to read though. I think it was one of Deborah Tannen's earlier books so maybe she's streamlined her writing style some since. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Melissa Brenneman | 1/18/2014

    " Would love to find out about studies that update this. Are generational differences beginning to show up? "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Beth Cato | 1/14/2014

    " Do you have any interactions with people of the opposite sex? Read this book.[return][return]Do you ever wonder why even your own gender acts in such a particular why? Read this book.[return][return]Seriously, I thought this book would be a very dull, dry, read. Gender and linguistics aren't the most exciting of subjects, usually - but in Tannen's expert hands this becomes a fascinating and balanced read. It's not anti-woman or anti-man, but tries to study the reasons - cultural or otherwise - why we communicate the way we do. It gets to the very root of gender differences. Most women seek commonalities with other women (one complains of an ailment, the other sympathizes with a similar tale of woe) while men tend to one-up the other in a hierarchcal scramble for dominance (a guy has an ailment, so the other guy ignores it, dismisses it, or elevates his own standing). The book cites studies of children and shows how they show many of the same communicative patterns of adults. The author also refers to a variety of literature and personal anecdotes to illustrate situations.[return][return]My husband even picked up this book and flipped through and said he was impressed by it. My husband rarely reads books.[return][return]As a writer, I think this book will be an excellent source for honing dialog and creating conflict. This is a keeper. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 S.Mo | 1/6/2014

    " Tannen's a linguist but this book is very readable for the general population as well. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Pat | 1/5/2014

    " Fascinating insight into communication styles of men and women and the ways in which people misinterpret what others say based on their own styles. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Sunny | 12/25/2013

    " It was the first book I've read about relationship, on top of that, the first non translated book! I really enjoyed this book, learned so much about diffrences between women and men, still sometimes don't understand men. At least, now I know they're differnet from us. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Kathryn | 12/23/2013

    " Blah...this book just didn't do it for me. I've been married over thirty years and I think I somewhat know how to communicate with my husband, if not I should be shot. I just don't need a book explaining things for me at this stage in my life. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 ♥ Susan Dodge-Doak | 12/15/2013

    " Read this for an anthropology class in college... fun and interesting... "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Louise | 11/29/2013

    " This book was not what I expected -- I expected more suggestions on how to talk to members of the opposite sex than analysis of their communication patterns. I didn't finish it because I wanted to read some fiction, but I might come back to it. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 James | 11/28/2013

    " FASCINATING. And so helpful! "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Shishir | 11/19/2013

    " Differences in communication styles males / females "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Dave | 11/8/2013

    " I picked up a couple of valuable points on how we communicate, especially between men and women. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 David | 7/26/2013

    " The observations and examples are all very good. It's a little shakier, I think, when she tries to explain why men and women use language differently. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 bobby mccormick | 1/27/2013

    " i would be a lot better off had i read this book when it first came out. the insights run very deep. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Sarah | 7/24/2012

    " Binaries feel a wee bit forced at times, but pretty interesting overall "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Martine | 5/23/2012

    " I enjoyed how this book seemed to hit the nail on the head when addressing the different ways we communicate depending on our gender. Some parts were hysterical. This was a great book to share with other women and discuss our observations/experiences based on gender speak. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Heidi | 12/9/2011

    " A discussion of communication between the sexes with scholarly analysis. Men want respect; women want intimacy: women want to be helpful in conversation and men want to give information. It was a quick read and easily relatable to any marriage. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Kevin Beary | 9/21/2011

    " I loved this book , once presented with the premises the facts follow. Everyone can prosper and be enriched by this book. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Jane Rutherford | 6/30/2011

    " Read this more than 20 years ago. It really helped me with my interactions with Jim (my late husband) -- men and women really do converse differently. A lot to learn for couples! "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Will | 6/20/2011

    " I forgot how trite this book was. It's not wrong, I suppose, but way, way too reductionist. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 bobby | 6/11/2011

    " i would be a lot better off had i read this book when it first came out. the insights run very deep. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Roybert | 1/22/2011

    " Full of insight, well balanced with horse shit. Broad generalizations are 90% our waking lives, and this book keeps true to that measure. With that being said, I enjoyed the hell out it. I would recommended it to anyone who is interested in why confrontation reinforces camaraderie. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Riley | 1/9/2011

    " Tannen takes a fact-oriented approach and is clear about what's an observed event, what's an observed pattern, and what's a speculation.
    And for weeks after I read the book, I noticed people saying things that fit the patterns she observed and articulated. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Monica | 1/5/2011

    " A favorite of mine. Eye openining. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Chris | 9/27/2010

    " read this one so long ago, but my husband and I still talk about what we learned from this book. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 ? Susan | 8/7/2010

    " Read this for an anthropology class in college... fun and interesting... "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Athos | 8/2/2010

    " Very interesting, but oh, so tedious to read! :P "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Carolina | 7/11/2010

    " I think every woman should read this very insightful book. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Judy | 7/10/2010

    " This is an excellent book that can show you speech patterns and ways of thinking that are very different between men and women. Many of these differences are not obvious until you read the book. The information in this book really stuck with me -- I found it fascinating. "

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About the Author
Author Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen is the acclaimed author of You Just Don’t Understand, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years; the New York Times bestseller on mother-daughter communication You’re Wearing THAT?; I Only Say This Because I Love You; and many other books. A professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, she appears frequently on national television and radio. The youngest of three sisters, she lives with her husband in the Washington, DC, area.