Deborah Tannen's #1 bestseller revolutionized the way men and women talk -- and listen -- to each other -- at home, at work, and wherever the communication gap between the sexes can lead to troublesome misunderstandings. The problem dates back to childhood, when boys and girls learn to use language in distinctly different ways; years later, their adult efforts to talk often place them at cross purposes -- even when both are sincerely trying to communicate.
Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends, With You Just Don't Understand, you'll recognize yourself and your own efforts to be understood -- and gain valuable insight to help you communicate better than ever before.
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"Do you have any interactions with people of the opposite sex? Read this book.[return][return]Do you ever wonder why even your own gender acts in such a particular why? Read this book.[return][return]Seriously, I thought this book would be a very dull, dry, read. Gender and linguistics aren't the most exciting of subjects, usually - but in Tannen's expert hands this becomes a fascinating and balanced read. It's not anti-woman or anti-man, but tries to study the reasons - cultural or otherwise - why we communicate the way we do. It gets to the very root of gender differences. Most women seek commonalities with other women (one complains of an ailment, the other sympathizes with a similar tale of woe) while men tend to one-up the other in a hierarchcal scramble for dominance (a guy has an ailment, so the other guy ignores it, dismisses it, or elevates his own standing). The book cites studies of children and shows how they show many of the same communicative patterns of adults. The author also refers to a variety of literature and personal anecdotes to illustrate situations.[return][return]My husband even picked up this book and flipped through and said he was impressed by it. My husband rarely reads books.[return][return]As a writer, I think this book will be an excellent source for honing dialog and creating conflict. This is a keeper."
— Beth (4 out of 5 stars)
“Utterly fascinating…A classic in the field.”
— San Francisco Chronicle" Forget "Men are from Mars". This book is less pop and more psychology. The author is a linguist who has studied the differences in the way men and women communicate. The findings are fascinating and a must-read for any woman, and anyone who ever converses with anybody else. Yes, that means I am recommending this book to you. It's full of great anecdotes and will change the way you think about communicating. "
— Sally, 2/10/2014" I wish this book had been around when I first got married. It would have saved a lot of bother! I give it as a wedding present. I don't know whether the recipients read it or not, but if they don't they are missing a big short cut to a happy marriage. "
— Lynn, 2/2/2014" I was constantly stopping and comparing this book with my own life. I was amused that I would find myself seeing social situations differently after reading the book. Some of the facts discovered were merely amusing, but I discovered communication patterns that I might be able to change to my practical benefit as well. This book also makes me want to read Tannen's books about mother-daughter and sister-sister communication patterns, sections of which I'm sure I will find uproariously funny and sobering at turns since those were my typical reactions during this read. "
— Jessica, 1/30/2014" This book is famous. And it's funny how much of the conclusions have seeped into popular culture. I finally read and it was fun to tick through all the differences in men and women's approaches to conversational style. I thought the book was dense to read though. I think it was one of Deborah Tannen's earlier books so maybe she's streamlined her writing style some since. "
— Christina, 1/27/2014" Would love to find out about studies that update this. Are generational differences beginning to show up? "
— Melissa, 1/18/2014" Tannen's a linguist but this book is very readable for the general population as well. "
— S.Mo, 1/6/2014" Fascinating insight into communication styles of men and women and the ways in which people misinterpret what others say based on their own styles. "
— Pat, 1/5/2014" It was the first book I've read about relationship, on top of that, the first non translated book! I really enjoyed this book, learned so much about diffrences between women and men, still sometimes don't understand men. At least, now I know they're differnet from us. "
— Sunny, 12/25/2013" Blah...this book just didn't do it for me. I've been married over thirty years and I think I somewhat know how to communicate with my husband, if not I should be shot. I just don't need a book explaining things for me at this stage in my life. "
— Kathryn, 12/23/2013" Read this for an anthropology class in college... fun and interesting... "
— ♥, 12/15/2013" This book was not what I expected -- I expected more suggestions on how to talk to members of the opposite sex than analysis of their communication patterns. I didn't finish it because I wanted to read some fiction, but I might come back to it. "
— Louise, 11/29/2013" FASCINATING. And so helpful! "
— James, 11/28/2013" Differences in communication styles males / females "
— Shishir, 11/19/2013" I picked up a couple of valuable points on how we communicate, especially between men and women. "
— Dave, 11/8/2013" The observations and examples are all very good. It's a little shakier, I think, when she tries to explain why men and women use language differently. "
— David, 7/26/2013" i would be a lot better off had i read this book when it first came out. the insights run very deep. "
— bobby, 1/27/2013" Binaries feel a wee bit forced at times, but pretty interesting overall "
— Sarah, 7/24/2012" I enjoyed how this book seemed to hit the nail on the head when addressing the different ways we communicate depending on our gender. Some parts were hysterical. This was a great book to share with other women and discuss our observations/experiences based on gender speak. "
— Martine, 5/23/2012" A discussion of communication between the sexes with scholarly analysis. Men want respect; women want intimacy: women want to be helpful in conversation and men want to give information. It was a quick read and easily relatable to any marriage. "
— Heidi, 12/9/2011" I loved this book , once presented with the premises the facts follow. Everyone can prosper and be enriched by this book. "
— Kevin, 9/21/2011" Read this more than 20 years ago. It really helped me with my interactions with Jim (my late husband) -- men and women really do converse differently. A lot to learn for couples! "
— Jane, 6/30/2011" I forgot how trite this book was. It's not wrong, I suppose, but way, way too reductionist. "
— Will, 6/20/2011" i would be a lot better off had i read this book when it first came out. the insights run very deep. "
— bobby, 6/11/2011" Full of insight, well balanced with horse shit. Broad generalizations are 90% our waking lives, and this book keeps true to that measure. With that being said, I enjoyed the hell out it. I would recommended it to anyone who is interested in why confrontation reinforces camaraderie. "
— Roybert, 1/22/2011" Tannen takes a fact-oriented approach and is clear about what's an observed event, what's an observed pattern, and what's a speculation.<br/>And for weeks after I read the book, I noticed people saying things that fit the patterns she observed and articulated. "
— Riley, 1/9/2011" A favorite of mine. Eye openining. "
— Monica, 1/5/2011" read this one so long ago, but my husband and I still talk about what we learned from this book. "
— Chris, 9/27/2010" Read this for an anthropology class in college... fun and interesting... "
— ?, 8/7/2010" Very interesting, but oh, so tedious to read! :P "
— Athos, 8/2/2010" I think every woman should read this very insightful book. "
— Carolina, 7/11/2010" This is an excellent book that can show you speech patterns and ways of thinking that are very different between men and women. Many of these differences are not obvious until you read the book. The information in this book really stuck with me -- I found it fascinating. "
— Judy, 7/10/2010Harvard Business Review is the leading destination for smart management thinking. Through its flagship magazine, eleven internationally licensed editions, books from Harvard Business Review Press, and digital content and tools published on HBR.org, Harvard Business Review provides professionals around the world with rigorous insights and best practices to lead themselves and their organizations more effectively and to make a positive impact.