This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time--peers replacing parents in the lives of children--is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.
In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction--for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident--as do the solutions.
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"Ths book opened a totally new view and perspective to look at the todays problems parents are facing.At the same time it is rather scary - for some facts it was hard to accept them. Maybe some facts are overexaggerated. And the scary part is that maybe they are not. However, this perspective puts some issues and child acts in place. Makes them more understandable. I do recommend this book. Even if you will not accept all assertion from this book, new way of looking at things will be of great help"
— Gagi (5 out of 5 stars)
The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative — even inspirational — for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students.
— Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School PrincipalsWith original insights on parent-child attachments and how parents can restore them, this is a book for revitalizing families and rekindling the song in their children’ s hearts.
— Raffi, children’s troubadour, founder of Child Honoring Society InstituteWith simple ideas and steps, this book is directed not only to parents, but to all those — educators, social workers, counselors—whose lives and work bring them into contact with children.
— Quill & QuireHold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad.
— Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other “Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of sociey. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously.Though this is Neufeld's personal theory, Maté (Scattered Minds, When the Body Says No) has expressed his colleague's ideas in precise and hard-hitting prose that makes complex ideas accessible without dumbing them down. The result is a book that grabs hard, with the potential to hit many parents where they live.
— The Edmonton Journal[M]ay serve as a loud wake-up call for mothers and fathers….this one offers what many of the others do not — that rare commodity known as common sense.
— Winnipeg Free PressWith the benefit of 30 years of research and experience, Neufeld has crafted a coherent, compelling theory of child development that will cause an immediate frisson of recognition and acceptance in its readers. His approach has the power to change, if not save, the lives of our children.
— National PostThe authors present doable strategies to help parents help their kids. If their advice is taken to heart, there’s hope there will be more warmth and security all round.
— The Georgia StraightRare and refreshing. . . . Here you will find family stories, an accessible description of brain development and sound information. You will also find hope.
— The Globe and MailAn utterly sensible and deeply moving book written for a general audience.
— The Vancouver SunAn utterly sensible and deeply moving book written for a general audience.
— The Vancouver SunThe authors present doable strategies to help parents help their kids. If their advice is taken to heart, there’s hope there will be more warmth and security all round.
— The Georgia Straight[M]ay serve as a loud wake-up call for mothers and fathers….this one offers what many of the others do not — that rare commodity known as common sense.
— Winnipeg Free Press"With the benefit of 30 years of research and experience, Neufeld has crafted a coherent, compelling theory of child development that will cause an immediate frisson of recognition and acceptance in its readers. His approach has the power to change, if not save, the lives of our children.Though this is Neufeld's personal theory, Maté (Scattered Minds, When the Body Says No) has expressed his colleague's ideas in precise and hard-hitting prose that makes complex ideas accessible without dumbing them down. The result is a book that grabs hard, with the potential to hit many parents where they live.
— The Edmonton JournalWith simple ideas and steps, this book is directed not only to parents, but to all those — educators, social workers, counselors — whose lives and work bring them into contact with children.
— Quill & QuireWith original insights on parent-child attachments and how parents can restore them, this is a book for revitalizing families and rekindling the song in their children’s hearts.
— Raffi, children’s troubadour, founder of Child Honoring Society InstituteThe thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative — even inspirational — for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students.
— Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School PrincipalsHold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad.
— Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other"Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of sociey. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously." This book gives many answers to parents of todays kids. Sometimes it was really paintfull to hear some facts, but they are needed to be heard. But besides giving explanations, it gives also guidence. This was one of the best books for parenting I have read or listen. "
— Gagi, 4/20/2023" Hold On To Your Kids really put in to perspective what attachment is like for kids as they get older and the importance of the child adult attachment in a child's life. It confirms the positive things I institutionally knew with research. It is an important book for any parent to read. "
— Amanda, 9/24/2019" Ok so this is not the best written book ever but the ideas in it are essential for any parent wanting to raise their kids in the most conscious way. It explains the whys and how's of all of those niggly gut feelings over the years that told me something was amiss in society in supporting me to parent my son. As Nuefeld says, just because something is normal it doesn't make I natural or right. I am going to buy copies of this book for every friend I know. Please read this book. "
— Jo, 2/20/2014" This is what I call the Attachment Parenting book for older kids. A must read if you want to stay close to your kids as they get older. "
— Celestia, 2/19/2014" Absolutely fantastic book, a must-read for parents. "
— Johanna, 1/16/2014" Not an easy read but so relevant. Breeze the first chapters to get to the chapters of substance. Sure to spark some controversy in every parent and may change your view on parenting. "
— Cyndi, 12/18/2013" One of my very favorite books for why we parent and educate the way we do. Not full of practical advice, but it does help me keep my eyes on the prize! "
— Sara, 12/13/2013" As much as I love everything Gabor Mate, I'm finding this book hard to relate to given I don't have kids of my own. I'm still going to finish it as it provides great insight into human developmental psychology, which is what I'm interested in. "
— Mhnd, 11/29/2013" This book had a lot of good points in helping parents re-frame their relationship with their kids. However, I did not feel the book was balanced in its approach of how parents can treat peer relationships respective to the family. "
— Munira, 11/21/2013" Fantastic, especially the last 4 chapters. I probably liked it because it reinforced a lot of beliefs I have about raising my children, but from a different perspective. Highly recommend for all parents. "
— Teeni, 11/21/2013" I picked this up because I heard about the author's concept of counterwill - that innate human tendency to resist when someone tries to control you. But I was turned off by his "kids these days" rhetoric. Didn't make it past the first chapter. "
— reed, 11/1/2013" I'm giving this book to all my friends parenting kids with me. It is an attachment perspective on western adolescence, and resonates with my feelings about parenting. It is yet another parenting book written by a man who I suspect spends more time being a parenting expert than being with his kids. "
— Sarah, 10/21/2013" I really dislike this book. I think the problem is that they are super dramatic about how friends are evil for kids...and the writing is bad. So I quit! "
— Eliana, 8/11/2013" Wish I'd read it before having kids. Beautiful, clear, and such solid ideas. This is one that every parent should have a copy of. "
— Savannacles, 8/10/2013" Based on attachment theory. I love that this is a parenting "expert" who wishes parents trusted their intuition more and relied less on "experts". "
— Michãel, 7/8/2013" With so many books on attachment parenting focusing on the early years, I was thrilled to find one that talked about school aged children. Though I thought his views on ADHD and ODD a bit simplistic, this is still a book that will enrich my parenting. "
— Amy, 5/4/2013" Although I enjoyed this book, it doesn't hold much for the homeschooling family. Most of the topics covered were those that we painstakingly struggled with when deciding to home school. "
— Tina, 9/26/2012Gordon Neufeld, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Vancouver. He has spent much of his professional life creating coherent theories for understanding child development. He is nationally recognized for his work on aggression and violence among children and youth and appears regularly on radio and television, both in Vancouver and nationally.
Gabor Mate, MD, is a celebrated speaker and bestselling author highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics, such as addiction, stress, and childhood development. He has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds and (as co-author) Hold On to Your Kids. His works have been published internationally in more than thirty languages.
Gabor Mate, MD, is a celebrated speaker and bestselling author highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics, such as addiction, stress, and childhood development. He has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds and (as co-author) Hold On to Your Kids. His works have been published internationally in more than thirty languages.