Imagine you’re circling a crowded parking lot. Just as you spot a space, another driver races ahead and takes it. In a world of road rage, domestic violence, and professionally angry TV and radio commentators, your likely response is anger, even fury. Now imagine that instead of another driver, a cow has lumbered into that parking space and settled down. Your anger dissolves into bemusement. What has changed? Not just the occupant of the space but your perspective on the situation. We’re a society swimming in anger, always about to snap. Using simple, understandable Buddhist principles, Scheff and Edmiston explain how to replace anger with happiness. They introduce the four kinds of demands that most commonly underlie anger (Important and Reasonable, Reasonable but Unimportant, Irrational, and Impossible), then show how to identify our real unmet demands, dissolve our anger, and change what happens when our buttons are pushed. We learn to laugh at ourselves, a powerful early step, and realize that others don’t make us angry. Only we can make ourselves angry.
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"I literally just finished reading this book and its message is still ricocheting around in my brain. I keep thinking... "should I just read this book over-and-over all year long?" I know that even though I've already come away with a shift in perspective and plenty of new lessons to apply, there are dozens of others that I really need to go back and explore between the pages of this book. There is just the right mix of modern and ancient examples of how to overcome your anger and conquer the stress that it brings. I'm torn between lending it to a friend who I know could benefit from its message or simply diving back in and reading it again for myself. Perhaps I'll buy them their own copy and do both..."
— Don (5 out of 5 stars)
" I found the book to be a quick yet insightful read. One point in the book is that anger arises from an unmet demand. This idea had never crossed my mind. I have zero background in Buddhism but I was still able to gain some new insight. This is a book that I will re-read in a couple months. "
— BareFeetMom, 2/17/2014" absolutely excellent and totally perspective changing thus far. "
— Laura, 1/26/2014" For me the book worked as purposed. Schaff and Susan really teach you some small budhist tricks that make you feel a bit more peacefull and greatfull for the live we have. Even though it's not the final solution, this handbook it might give you a little help. "
— Vitor, 1/16/2014" A Buddhist examination of the psychology of anger. Scheff does a remarkable job of documenting (literally, for he approaches the subject somewhat empirically) the causes and subsequent effects of anger while delicately outlining how to, not remedy, but avoid such instances entirely. Recommended. "
— Zen, 1/12/2014" helpful to think most transgressors against me would have transgressed against someone else standing in my place. "
— Fritz, 12/25/2013" Insightful and very accessible. "
— Peter, 12/20/2013" Worthwhile examination of anger. Good tips. "
— Joyce, 12/11/2013" A easy to read volume with advice as to how not to be at the mercy of anger. Some good nuggets in this one. "
— Sara, 12/7/2013" Really enjoyed this book--I'd give it 3.5 stars. Really got me thinking about the things beyond our control that irk us day-to-day and how to deal with anger in a positive way. But I must say, the voice/accent the guy reading the book used for the Dalai Lama had me LOL'ing. "
— Diana, 12/6/2013" A book I should have read years ago, since I don't have much to be angry about today, save a few aggressive highway drivers and nutty politicians! Well-written, a worthwhile read. "
— Dennis, 12/4/2013" I especially like the last couple of chapters so if you don't have time to read it all just read those. "
— Karen, 11/28/2013" I really enjoyed reading it. The ideas presented in the book reminded me of cognitive therapy. What is presented here can be used with any situation you find trying or difficult to deal with and I highly recommended. I read it in less than 24 hours. "
— Chelsea, 6/15/2013" Thank you for allowing me this free copy. This is a useful, insightful, smart , powerful book for any one who wants to improve their ability to remain sensible and in control when faced with anger or aggravation inducing situations. "
— S, 12/25/2012" Insightful, thought-provoking zen Buddhist approach to anger with practical advice on how to tame this beast. "
— Nancy, 5/16/2012" This is a wonderful book but most of the examples see more appropriate for men than women. That said, it was excellent. Wish my type A spouse would read it. "
— MJ, 3/9/2012" Eh. Well written, okay general advise. Not sure I agree with the premise. "
— Bryan, 3/7/2012" I am skeptical, but hopeful at the same time. Here's hoping it stops the rage haha "
— Martha, 11/4/2011" Absolutely changed my life. "
— Andrew, 7/19/2011" great! if only I could follow this behaviour... "
— Kaisa, 7/2/2011" I may finish this one day, but for now it doesn't hold my interest. "
— Sara, 3/26/2011" If someone stole your parking spot, you'd be mad. If a cow wandered down the lane and took your space, you'd laugh. With all the fighting going on in the world, and an election season to survive, this book was a great reminder that anger is a choice. "
— Alison, 3/13/2011" Like that this book is short and can be applicable to anyone with anger management issues. Really liked that it was short and sweet and has a workbook style sort of approach towards self-help. "
— Jolene, 3/3/2011" I found the book to be a quick yet insightful read. One point in the book is that anger arises from an unmet demand. This idea had never crossed my mind. I have zero background in Buddhism but I was still able to gain some new insight. This is a book that I will re-read in a couple months. "
— BareFeetMom, 1/19/2011" absolutely excellent and totally perspective changing thus far. "
— Laura, 8/17/2010" Worthwhile examination of anger. Good tips. "
— Joyce, 7/19/2010