Why is love between men and women so difficult? In this groundbreaking new audiobook, bestselling author Terrence Real analyzes the crisis in intimate relations, a crisis that has lasted over a generation, yielding divorce rates of 40-50%. Our culture prepares us to fall in love, but it does not give us the skills we need to stay in love. Here Real offers a radical new vision of love and the practical tools with which to achieve it.
The current crisis is a product of changing gender roles. In the last generation, women's roles have changed radically and men's have not. For the first time, women are insisting that their partners access the very skills -- emotional sensitivity, expressiveness, responsibility -- that most men have had stamped out of them as boys. Patriarchal culture does not raise boys to be intimate; it raises them to be competitive performers. At the same time, girls are taught to be compliant and accommodating. The result is that men feel bewildered and unappreciated while women feel unheard and resentful. Conventional therapy, which reinforces "traditional" male roles, has failed. The demand for intimacy in marriage must be met with new skills.
Real draws on myth, literature, film, and stories of the men and women he treats to illustrate his compelling analysis. Breaking taboos about love, marriage, and passion, Real not only reconstructs gender roles but also shows that patriarchy's idealized model of love is impossibly flawed. He teaches partners to replace it with a love that acknowledges imperfections and then provides five Core Relational Skills designed to help every couple reach their full potential. How Can I Get Through to You? is the audiobook that every couple has been waiting for -- and our culture needs.
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"I loved this book. Can see that different people reading this would get different messages. My partner read it with me and we both saw good and helpful insights - but not always the same ones!"
— Vince (5 out of 5 stars)
“This is a well-balanced and exciting new addition to the marriage-manual genre.”
— Publishers Weekly“How Can I Get Through to You? is not a Band-Aid, it’s a revolution.”
— Cheryl Richardson author of Take Time for Your Life and Life Makeovers" terrance real was suggested by my therapist. he speaks on so many things that I believe men will listen to. speaks to the heart. thank you terrance. I will listen again with husband next time "
— Love, 10/24/2019" 1. Keeping passion alive by telling the truth- About what I see, what I feel, and what i really want. "
— Rick, 4/27/2013" I had to read this book for my Couples Counseling class but I found it surprisingly readable. An interesting take on how the women's movement has empowered women to demand more support and intimacy, but has neglected to teach men how to do this. "
— Amber, 4/14/2010" I believe that all heterosexual couples could benefit from reading this book. "
— Elisabeth, 7/20/2003" Wanna know more about relationships and how to close the intimacy gap between men and women? I highly recommend a perusal... "
— Gerald, 1/11/2003Terrence Real is the bestselling author of I Dont Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. He has been a practicing family therapist for more than twenty years, lecturing and giving workshops across the country. In March, 2002, he founded the Relational Empowerment Institute. His work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, Good Morning America, and Oprah, as well as in the New York Times, Psychology Today, Esquire, and numerous academic publications. He lives with his wife and two sons in Newton, Massachusetts.