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The Dance of Connection (Abridged): How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate Audiobook
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(3.10) - 385 listener ratings
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Publisher Description
Bestselling author Harriet Lerner focuses on the challenge and the importance of being able to express one's ""authentic voice"" in intimate relationships.
The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice. Despite decades of assertiveness training and lots of good advice about communicating with clarity, timing, and tact, women and men find that their greatest complaints in marriage and other intimate relationships are that they are not being heard, that they cannot affect the other person, that fights go nowhere, that conflict brings only pain. Although an intimate, long-term relationship offers the greatest possibilities for knowing the other person and being known, these relationships are also fertile ground for silence and frustration when it comes to articulating a true self. And yet giving voice to this self is at the center of having both a relationship and a self. Much as she did in THE MOTHER DANCE, Lerner will approach this rich subject with tales from her personal life and clinical work, inspiring and teaching readers to speak their own truths to the most important people in their lives.
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"a friend recommended this author, as she was sorting through some relationship issues. I liked this one best of the several Harriet Lerner books my library had. It's simple, honest, and helpful with lots of plausible examples of difficult communication in relationships(family, romantic, friends). Lots of food for thought and practical advice."
— Nancy (4 out of 5 stars)
Quotes
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“Lerner does a remarkable job teaching us new steps in the complicated, mysterious, painful, and beautiful dance that we call family life.”
— Mary Pipher, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Reviving Ophelia -
“The Dance of Connection can save your marriage, a friendship, and your relationship with your mother, father, sister, brother—even your boss. Lerner is one of the wisest, most sophisticated psychology writers alive today. Her book is brimming with practical advice, sharp wit, extraordinary knowledge, deep caring, and a wealth of ah-yes-how-true wisdom into human nature. Lerner knows us all so well.”
— Edward M. Hallowell, MD, New York Times bestselling author of Driven to Distraction -
“Lerner shares her private family-of-origin stories which gives the book a vulnerability and humanness that other self-help titles lack.”
— Library Journal -
“Lerner rescues us from the swamps and quicksands of difficult relationships with her unique clarity and profound intelligence.”
— Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair
The Dance of Connection Listener Reviews
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" Not as good as her other books. "
— Lia, 2/7/2014 -
" Sparked perhaps by an underlying connection to an older book which has held a place in my personal library for many years, I picked this up and am finding it refreshing that there is no follow this plan and this happens or that happens -- again, an echo of the earlier book. None of the usual self-help "magic" solution style -- just informational and thought provoking. We shall see if it holds up to the end. "
— Dottie, 1/16/2014 -
" It was an interesting book on communication effectively. "
— Sabina, 1/8/2014 -
" It seems as if we are seeing a maturing Harriet Learner. Her earlier books seemed to be focused on women's anger and their frustrations over intimacy. In this one, I think she is ready to bridge the gap. I guess we all had to process all the garbage first. Now we are moving on. "
— Nancy, 12/30/2013 -
" Another insightful read. "
— Patricia, 12/11/2013 -
" A few things from Dance of Anger were repeated in this book, but there was a lot of valuable information on how to communicate effectively. "
— Lisa, 11/1/2013 -
" I am learning so much and love Dr Lerner's writing style. Very relatable. "
— Marianne, 10/10/2013 -
" I listened to this audio book 3 times last week. Excellent principles to guide me as I try to maintain my connection to my estranged daughter. "
— Diana, 9/21/2013 -
" Such an insightful book on a topic that does not come naturally to many! "
— Winona, 8/26/2013 -
" I really like this "Dance" series. Like the "Dance of Anger" and the "Dance of Intimacy" this one is thorough and clear. "
— Marie, 4/25/2013 -
" I love the way Lerner rights, and this book is worth having in your personal self-help collection. This is the second time I've read this specific book, and the fourth of her books in all. Great reads for anyone struggling to find their voice, or wishing to learn how to communicate. Great for women. "
— Rebekah, 3/22/2013 -
" This book is less "script" and more "insight" into human character, which I enjoy. "
— C, 1/31/2013 -
" This is a must read -- if only we all learned how to communicate! "
— Justine, 11/2/2012 -
" Insightful, with practical ways to rebuild love and connection with those who matter most.. "
— Sherri, 8/20/2012 -
" I'm reading this one slowly.. there's some good in here, but it's not as earth-shattering as some of Harriet Lerner's other books. "
— Danielle, 7/29/2012 -
" Excellent, if daunting, advice written in plain language. "
— Bxrlover, 6/12/2012 -
" This was an extraordinary book. Harriet speaks about how our words affect others. Making the connection to other, even those we love takes patience, perseverance and a great deal of self-awareness. "
— John, 3/29/2012 -
" Will help you find your personal voice and communicate more effectively without hurting the other person. "
— Jay, 2/20/2012 -
" Awesome book on authencity and having a voice "
— Maria, 11/19/2011 -
" This book is about improving communication within difficult relationships - especially family members. For me, it was easy to read because it has lots of personal stories and examples. The concepts make sense, there are some good ideas - but it's not touted as a "cure-all". "
— Jennifer, 9/1/2011 -
" Read and also listened to it. "
— Mckinley, 3/11/2011 -
" Read and also listened to it. "
— Mckinley, 2/7/2011 -
" This was an extraordinary book. Harriet speaks about how our words affect others. Making the connection to other, even those we love takes patience, perseverance and a great deal of self-awareness. "
— John, 1/11/2011 -
" Read bit by bit between Dec. 2009 and Feb. 2010. <br/>Some good advice. Must finish sometime. <br/>Had to return to library; ran out of renewal options. :) "
— Joy, 11/17/2009 -
" Awesome book on authencity and having a voice "
— Maria, 7/9/2009 -
" This book is about improving communication within difficult relationships - especially family members. For me, it was easy to read because it has lots of personal stories and examples. The concepts make sense, there are some good ideas - but it's not touted as a "cure-all". "
— Jennifer, 11/24/2008 -
" I listened to this audio book 3 times last week. Excellent principles to guide me as I try to maintain my connection to my estranged daughter. "
— Diana, 11/17/2008 -
" This is a must read -- if only we all learned how to communicate! "
— Justine, 4/3/2008 -
" I'm reading this one slowly.. there's some good in here, but it's not as earth-shattering as some of Harriet Lerner's other books. "
— Danielle, 3/4/2008 -
" I really like this "Dance" series. Like the "Dance of Anger" and the "Dance of Intimacy" this one is thorough and clear. "
— Marie, 7/11/2007
About Harriet Lerner
Harriet Lerner, PhD, is one of the nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is also the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books and coauthor with her sister of an award-winning children’s book.