In The Three Marriages, David Whyte, the bestselling author, poet, and speaker, asks you to think about your significant relationship to your partner, your work and your inner self in a radically different way by drawing them into a mutually supportive conversation. According to Whyte, we humans are involved not just with one marriage with a significant other. We also have made secret vows to our work and unspoken vows to an inner, constantly developing self. These Three Marriages constantly surprise us, and they demand larger and renewed dedication as the years go by. Whyte’s thesis is that to separate these marriages in order to balance them is to destroy the fabric of happiness itself; that in each of these marriages, will, effort, and hard work are overused, overrated, and in many ways self-defeating. Happiness, Whyte says, is possible, but only if we re-imagine how we inhabit the worlds of love, work, and self-understanding. Whyte argues that it is not possible to sacrifice one marriage for any of the others without causing deep psychological damage. He looks to a different way of seeing and bringing these relationships together and invites us to examine each marriage with a fierce but affectionate eye as he shows the nonnegotiable nature at the core of each commitment. Only by understanding the journey involved in each of the Three Marriages and the stages of their maturation, he says, can we understand how to bring them together in one fulfilled life.
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"I read this slowly because it fostered a lot of self-reflection along the way. Whyte's notion of work-life balance as an unnecessary competition between two -- or three -- relationships (work, 'marriage' -- to a partner or a community or a cause -- and ones's self) rings true. It was somewhat revelatory for me to reframe that concept as a conversation between three important parts of who I am, rather than a see-saw with work on the one side and 'life' on the other." — Jen (4 out of 5 stars)
"I read this slowly because it fostered a lot of self-reflection along the way. Whyte's notion of work-life balance as an unnecessary competition between two -- or three -- relationships (work, 'marriage' -- to a partner or a community or a cause -- and ones's self) rings true. It was somewhat revelatory for me to reframe that concept as a conversation between three important parts of who I am, rather than a see-saw with work on the one side and 'life' on the other."
" Good concept for a book but it was just so wordy and I wasn't learning anything practical that I could put to use. To be fair, I only read the first 65 pages, so maybe it picks up later? "
" Like most self-help books, it should be an essay, about the length of a New Yorker article. Got bored. Didn't finish, as it seemed repetitive. Some nuggety bits, though, but buried in a scree of words. "
" The author is also a poet, as a result I found this book to be very well written, eloquent, intelligent, thoughtful & useful. An enjoyable read that prompts self examination and examination of one's primary commitments. "
" ...we need to take our relationships seriously... "
" Fantastic. Inspiring. Liberating. Empowering. A must read for those seeking inner peace while navigating the insanity of marriage, work and being. WARNING: David Whyte goes deep. Very deep. This is not a fluffy self-help manual. Think "Zen and the art of motorcycle repair". "
" Like other of David Whyte's work, poetry mixed with life lessons. A good book for someone like me who is at the metaphorical "fork in the road "
" This writing holds the reader accountable. It is provocative, profound, and gracefully written. The author threads many historical references into his writing. For the self-help shelf on your library. "
" One of the best books I've read. I read it on CD, which I would highly suggest b/c David Whyte's voice is amazing. It add so much depth to the book. "
" My men's group read this book and it provided a stimulating platform for meaningful discussions that were helpful. This is necessary self-reflection. "
" I really loved this book. "
" I really liked this book. You can tell he is a poet, because it was sort of easy to just get lost in the language. In fact, I couldn't really tell you what this book was about - only that I enjoyed it. "
" thumbs up for David Whyte's latest on the topic "
" The surprise of recognition on every page. He's a far better poet ... but this remains a fierce and unsettling work of great beauty and insight. Ex: why "Work-Life" balance is non-sense. "
" Recommended by my therapist, there was much in this that I will go back and ponder at length. "
" Valuable reading, though I found Whyte's writing style hard going at times. "
" I enjoyed many of the ideas in this book, and it was novel looking at the negotiation of love, work and self through the lenses of Stevenson, Austin and Dickens, but those examples also got in the way of my being able to think through the issues in today's context. "
" I love his writing and thinking process. I read parts of this book over and over. It is "poetic" so be prepared for his style, not that of a therapist but of a poet. I list "
" I was disappointed. Nothing new, points made were very conventional and fifties retro. Fine cultural period in clothing, music and dance- but a poor fit to modern philosophy. Ho- hum. "
David Whyte is the author of The Heart Aroused: Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America, an audio cassette lecture series, and an album of poetry and music. He lives with his family in the Pacific Northwest.
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