Download Stay Fit and Healthy until You’re Dead Audiobook

Stay Fit and Healthy until You’re Dead Audiobook, by Dave Barry Extended Sample Click for printable size audiobook cover
Author: Dave Barry Narrator: Arte Johnson Publisher: Blackstone Publishing Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: March 2013 ISBN: 9781572705852
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Fitness and vitality can be yours, writes Dave Barry—provided you have the discipline, drive, and the plain old-fashioned guts required to procure the necessary steroids. This manual may help, too, but you’ll just have to buy it and find out.

Barry on executive fitness: Today’s top executives eat teeny meals and run ten miles and play tennis and work out every day. Of course, they’re so busy getting fit that many don’t even know where their offices are. That’s why the entire US economy is now manufactured overseas.

Barry on fitness after death: A quick chill, to approximately 325 degrees below zero, yields a muscle tone that we normally associate only with world-class body builders and certain minerals.

Barry on nutrition: Every morning you should take a vitamin A pill, followed by a vitamin D, followed by an E, until you’ve spelled the healthful mnemonic phrase: “A DEAD CAD BAKED A BAD CAKE, ACE.” And eat all the fiber-rich foods you can shove down your throat; these would be mainly your cotton candy and your Slim Jims.

Barry on junk foods: White bread and refined sugar, if eaten, cause death within hours. So it’s important to watch what you eat, at least until you get it inside your mouth. After that it becomes pretty disgusting.

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Quotes & Awards

  • “His uncelebrity fitness book is probably the funniest thing on the market today.”

    People magazine 

  • “Undaunted by the USA’s hopeless devotion to physical fitness, author Dave Barry squares off against serious exercise junkies with Stay Fit and Healthy until You’re Dead, identifying the absurdity of it all in textbook format.”

    USA Today

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About the Author

Dave Barry’s bestsellers include his Peter Pan prequels, written with Ridley Pearson; I’ll Mature When I’m Dead; and Lunatics, written with Alan Zweibel. He is also the author of the two dark comic suspense novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business. A play based on his first Peter Pan book, Peter and the Starcatchers, is currently a hit on Broadway. He lives in Coral Gables, Florida.

About the Narrator

Arte Johnson is an award-winning narrator and an American comic actor who won an Emmy Award for his role in the television series Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In. His audiobook narations have won two AudioFile Earphones Awards, and he placed as a finalist for the Audie Award for best narration in 2003 and 2007.