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Sh*t My Dad Says Audiobook
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Publisher Description
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is ""like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,"" has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
""That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""
""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""
""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.""
Almost two million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
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“Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching—and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.”
— Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club
Quotes
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“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.”
— Chelsea Handler, comedian, New York Times bestselling author -
“Justin Halpern’s dad is up there with Aristotle and Winston F*cking Churchill. He’s brilliant, and his son’s book is absolutely hilarious.”
— A.J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Know-It-All -
“Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny.”
— Maxim -
“Read this stuff unless you’re allergic to laughing.”
— Kristen Bell, actress
Awards
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A #1 New York Times bestseller
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A #1 Publishers Weekly bestseller
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A USA Today bestseller
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A #1 Los Angeles Times bestseller
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Finalist for the 2011Audie Award for Best Humor
Sh*t My Dad Says Listener Reviews
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Textile Patterns, 12/30/2022
About Justin Halpern
Justin Halpern created a Twitter account as a way to archive his father’s no-holds-barred, expletive-ridden words of wisdom in the summer of 2009. Within a month, @shitmydadsays became an Internet sensation. More than 2.5 million people currently follow Sam Halpern’s musings on Twitter and Facebook alone. Justin’s first book, Sh*t My Dad Says, a collection of essays about growing up with his unapologetically honest father, is a #1 New York Times bestseller. Justin is also the creator of $#*! My Dad Says, a sitcom starring William Shatner, Nicole Sullivan, Will Sasso, and Jonathan Sadowski. He serves as the show’s coexecutive producer along with his writing partner Patrick Schumacker. Justin currently splits his time between Los Angeles and his parents’ home in San Diego.
About Sean Schemmel
Kathleen McInerney won the prestigious Audie Award for Best Narration in 2011 and was a finalist for the Audie in 2010 and 2015. Her narrations have also earned several AudioFile Earphones Awards. She has performed in New York and around the United States in both classical and contemporary theater. Her credits also include television commercials, daytime drama, radio plays, and a broad range of animation voice-overs.