Download Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea Audiobook

Are You There, Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea Audiobook, by Chelsea Handler Extended Sample Click for printable size audiobook cover
Author: Chelsea Handler Narrator: Chelsea Handler Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: April 2008 ISBN: 9780743573658
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (69,113 ratings) (rate this audio book)
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In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands-the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date--including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure. Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • “Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer.”

    Jay Leno

  • Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds."

    -- Jennifer Weiner, bestselling author of In Her Shoes
  • Ms. Handler's style is a friendlier, more workaday version of the haughty self-abasement practiced by Sarah Silverman, leavened by the everywoman spirit of Kathy Griffin...She seems like a cruel queen bee from an expensive college: There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how her jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers's bad-girl school: Tina Fey."

    -- New York Times
  • Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler's life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is. She is too clever for words."

    -- Liz Smith, New York Post
  • Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer."

    -- Jay Leno
  • “Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler’s life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is. She is too clever for words.”

    New York Post

  • “Handler’s laugh-out-loud stories will have you hooked from page one.”

    Cosmopolitan

  • “This memoir, which might be best described as a stand-up comedy extravaganza, describes Chelsea’s life above and between the sheets...Nonstop, outrageous humor.”

    Barnes & Noble editorial review

  • “A hilarious book...In this collection of essays on relationships, family life, and her own adventures, she is both charming and brutally honest...Handler is brilliant at her craft of comedy.”

    Library Journal

  • A #1 New York Times bestseller
  • A USA Today bestseller

Listener Reviews

Write a Review
  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Katie | 2/9/2014

    " Chelsea is hilarious and creative. I'd never heard of her until someone let me borrow this to read over vacation an I laughed through the whole thing. It may not be for everyone but I enjoyed it. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Camila | 2/8/2014

    " While it isn't my first choice in books, it is really enjoyable and funny and careless. While I think it wouldn't qualify as a memoir, which, if I'm not mistaken, is how she classifies it, it really captures the gist of her life. It could have been edited better, since there are a lot of divergences when it comes to her attempts of making a joke or two, but overall, really funny. She's a funny woman. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Anne-paige | 1/30/2014

    " She is hilariously inappropriate. I wouldn't recommend this to my mother ;) "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Jane | 1/26/2014

    " I laughed out loud when I read this politically incorrect book in public places and didn't care. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Nena | 1/23/2014

    " This book was amusing. I never heard of this woman before but I just enjoyed this very light, no brains required book. This is a great poolside read. It keeps you in a good mood, there is nothing daunting or depressing about it. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Caren | 1/15/2014

    " Very funny. All her books are hysterical. Highly recommend them "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Jessica | 1/15/2014

    " Hilarious and easy, fun read "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 LJ | 1/11/2014

    " The few funny moments in this book were overshadowed by copious amounts of rape jokes, racism, classism, etc. It's too bad, because maybe Chelsea Handler could be funny if she didn't rely on gimmicky non-PC humor. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Connie | 1/7/2014

    " It's exactly what you might expect from Chelsea Handler. It's an entertaining read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Jaimee | 1/7/2014

    " I didn't find this book as funny as My Horizontal Life. I found Chelsea to be too self absorbed and not all that funny. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Katherine | 1/7/2014

    " Laugh out loud funny! I read this on honeymoon and its a great beach read! "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Nonito | 12/21/2013

    " Not quite as hilarious as I expected. Some parts were dragging and remotely interesting, yet even the best parts are so-so funny, not LOL funny. I really believe Chelsea failed to deliver on this one. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Lacey | 12/15/2013

    " Great stories, definitely a fun read. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Jessica | 12/12/2013

    " I laughed out loud reading this - super funny. Also loved how she went to Santa Teresa, Costa Rica- where I was this summer! Great to hear her stories about the place. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Adrian | 12/10/2013

    " I really need to stop buying comedians memoirs at small domestic airports. I think Chelsea would appreciate that review for the most part. But my favorite story was the birthday of the "30" year old. I laughed as soon as she told me it was contagious! "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Janene | 12/9/2013

    " Add an extra 1/2 star because I love Chelsea Handler. A funny beach read. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Jen | 11/23/2013

    " Hilarious! I almost peed my pants I was laughing at parts of this book so much!!! I love Chelsea! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Jenna | 11/19/2013

    " I hadn't watched Chelsea's show.... I read her 1st book on a whim! She is a hilarious story teller! This book kept me entertained and laughing! I loved it! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Isabel | 11/10/2013

    " Before I read this book I had seen chelsea's show before and I had an idea of what to expect. But after reading her book I absolutely loved Chelsea that much more. She's funny and doesn't hold anything back. Most importantly, she's a jersey girl just like me. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Alissa | 11/9/2013

    " This is a hilarious book. The best story is when Chelsea talks about her father and the clothes he wears. This is a good read to have when you need a laugh and want to feel good! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Renee | 10/30/2013

    " Listened to the audio book. Most people either love or hate Chelsea Handler. If you love her, you will love this book. Very funny with some laugh out loud moments. Especially liked the audio book because it was read by Chelsea. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Emily | 10/20/2013

    " Chelsea Handler is nuts. Yet, I laughed out loud quite a lot and I cannot wait to get the next one! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Tess | 9/13/2013

    " Really funny. Not appropriate for teens though. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Valerie | 7/16/2013

    " Hillarious! This book made me laugh out loud. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Ally | 7/9/2013

    " HYsterical! id like to give this a 5 star for funny! this had me laughing out loud on the airplane to florida (disturbing the young man doing sudoko next to me). but it was just such a riot. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Briana | 6/2/2013

    " Yup I am a fan of Chelsea Handler and found her book just as hilarious and she is. Fun read for sure. Will have you laughing out loud! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Acacia | 10/11/2012

    " A great book! I literally laughed out loud! This book was a great find to have! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Elizabeth | 9/30/2012

    " This book isn't for everyone, but it gave me plenty of laughs. I didn't think it had quite the insight of books like those of David Sedaris or even Tina Fey, but it was a fun read. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Deedee | 8/13/2012

    " Funniest book I have read in ages! Found myself laughing out loud on the train more than once... "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Ronit | 6/8/2012

    " Very grafic and crude. I can't imagine living her life. Read it for a book club. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Tasha | 2/10/2012

    " I super hated this. It might be irrational, it might not, but. Lots of hatred. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Kimberly | 1/31/2012

    " I'm not a fan of her stand-up, but this book was hilarious! LOL funny the whole way through. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Natalie | 7/19/2011

    " Hilarious, as her books always are. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Jennifer | 6/30/2011

    " In a word: Hilarious. I couldn't put it down, literally. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Brian | 6/28/2011

    " There were a few stories I enjoyed, but a lot of the book read like a very aimless personal blog. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Cece | 6/28/2011

    " I loved this book made me laugh out loud constantly .... "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Jen | 6/28/2011

    " I brought this book with me on my 12-day honeymoon and finished it in one day. Oops. The writing is pure Chelsea, and it's laugh-out-loud funny, not to mention awkward and gross with lots of 'i can't believe she did that' moments. I recommend reading it on a beach, with a mai tai.
    "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Betty | 6/23/2011

    " This was a perfect book for vacation. It cracked me up! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Katie | 6/23/2011

    " Like I said about the last Chelsea Handler book, she is just plain comical genius. She is not an author for the weak at heart...you have to be ready for some crude humor. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Lesley | 6/22/2011

    " Decently funny and a very quick read. Good for a 2-3 hour flight, I think. "

About the Author

Author Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler has built a career around her biting wit and no-holds-barred comedic style. Already an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, Handler is now also the author of several bestselling books. She is the star of her own late-night show, Chelsea Lately, was in the cast of Girls Behaving Badly, and has starred in her own Comedy Central special.