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Download The Last Testament: A Memoir Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample The Last Testament: A Memoir Audiobook, by God Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (367 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: God Narrator: David Javerbaum Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: November 2011 ISBN: 9781442349124
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Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–Simon Cowell era.

Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.

As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award–winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.

But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:

• Why he loves America

• What he listens for in a good prayer

• Which sports teams he really roots for

• Which celebrities are totally gay

Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and “worshipers,” but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • The Last Testament is billed as a message from God as transcribed by David Javerbaum, the former head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, whose specialty is chutzpah. With no apparent qualms Mr. Javerbaum steps into the infinitely big shoes of the Almighty to deliver a series of pronouncements, gags, parodies of Biblical passages and even a 12-step program envisioned from God’s point of view…The Last Testament is fearless…a recklessly funny set of gags about all things religious and quite a few things secular too.” 

    New York Times

  • “Presented as ‘A Memoir by God,’ the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It’s a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville—Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go!—determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce.” 

    Washington Post

  • “Does what The Daily Show does so well—it satirizes religion by both taking it seriously and not taking it seriously at all, using humor to both point out the inconsistencies of the holiest texts and to describe God’s codependent relationship with celebrities.” 

    Salon

  • “I can’t be sure, but I think the famously blasphemous Mark Twain (who once said he didn’t want to go to heaven because he hated harp music) would have chuckled his way through Javerbaum’s book. Maybe even snorted. Because it’s very funny. Offensive to some, for sure, but very funny.” 

    Globe & Mail (Toronto)

Listener Opinions

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Amy Turner | 2/20/2014

    " Some great material, but it can be hard to sustain humor about God, the Universe and Everything. Like the Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe, it is best read in short pieces. In both cases, the bits and pieces are absolutely hilarious, and contain some universal truths. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Brian | 2/11/2014

    " Such a good premise, but falls flat on execution. I got tired of the "old world" language about 25% through. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Jenny | 2/6/2014

    " Irreverent to the point of lewdness at times, but also appropriately hilarious, snarky, and timely. It comes from The Daily Show, so you know what to expect! "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Elaine | 1/21/2014

    " Though this book is rife with blasphemy and raunchy, there was some humor at first but then as I was reading it aloud, it seemed as though I was merely reading words - meaningless words. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Barb | 1/11/2014

    " God's version of the Bible; pretty funny. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Deborah | 1/9/2014

    " It was funny, but it ran every joke into the ground. Should have been much shorter for the given about of material. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Karen Tannenbaum | 1/3/2014

    " Oh my...irreverent and hilarious. This parody memoir has been given as a gift to many of my friends. When I am down I pick this book up and laugh. The photo on the back jacket cover is hysterical. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 False Millennium | 12/30/2013

    " Eh. It was ok. One line I remember. God speaking, "I took on a part in Godspell. I was good. I wasn't great, but I was good." "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Craig | 12/23/2013

    " Had me laughing out loud throughout the book! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Jess | 5/8/2013

    " one of the funniest books I have ever read. Filled with good satirical humor. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Kristen | 4/16/2013

    " Fun read aloud with my husband. This book is an equal opportunity offender so if you're easily offended, pass it up. If not, I recommend it. The author has a great knack for word play, which I appreciate, but at times the jokes do seem overplayed. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Marc | 1/13/2013

    " I do understand what this author is attempting to do, and I am sympathetic to his aim. But the book doesn't sustain itself after the first few chapters...probably not after the first. It's just becomes silly (like the book it attempts to parody). I am sorry I bought it. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Liz | 11/12/2012

    " well done. a very fun read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Charlotte | 9/3/2012

    " Parts of this were quite funny and well written but, overall, it's not great. It would definitely be offensive to believers and even I felt it sometimes went a little far, with some sections being rather inappropriate. Might be a fun discussion though! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Scott Freeman | 8/28/2012

    " Funny and guaranteed to offend Christians, Jews and Muslims alike. The length causes the joke to run a bit thin, though. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Mary | 3/18/2012

    " Meh. Starts out funny. By about page 50 it's not so funny. Love the twitter feed by this guy but the book is not great. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Eric Haney | 3/5/2012

    " Break out the highlighter. There are some great lines in this one :) "

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About the Author

God has been grabbing headlines ever since he created the universe. Indeed, the multitalented deity has been involved in the development of every single thing that has ever happened, including the Crusades, plate tectonics, and Seinfeld. His previous serious works as an author, The Old Testament, The New Testament, and The Koran, have sold an impressive five billion copies, with the first two in particular coming to be collectively regarded as something of a bible of their field.