Parents and kids pitted against one another, opposing forces pulling in different directions - both determined to win! Every family experiences power struggles, but these daily tugs of war are not inevitable. In Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka presents real strategies for getting to the root of the emotions and needs that can creates daily hassles. But power struggles aren't just about winning and losing. They provide rich opportunities for learning how to deal with strong emotions and for parents and children to solve problems together.
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles helps to unravel the mysteries of power struggles by recognizing that every child is unique and every discipline situation different. The author presents successful strategies for understanding emotions, managing intensity, and identifying triggers. In a new light, she views power struggles as an opportunity to teach you child essential life skills: such as how to calm themselves, to be assertive rather than aggressive, to solve problems, and to work cooperatively with you and others.
Hard as it may seem in the heat of the battle, conflict really does present an opportunity to connect with your child!
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"This book starts out slow, but once I got to the part about comparing your child's temperament with your own, I was hooked. I also really liked the chapter about how kids deal with stress. This was an eye opener of a book. Not only does it explain why your kid may be acting up, but it gives you techniques to diffuse the tension. I definitely recommend this book!"
— Kate (4 out of 5 stars)
“Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles is a helpful addition to the parenting literature and a delight to read. Kurcinka’s vivid descriptions bring to light common conflicts, but her primary lesson is that power struggles give parents an opportunity to teach their children better ways of expressing frustration, anger, jealousy, and other emotions. Kurcinka also helps us recognize the role that temperament, both our own and out child’s, plays in family life—and that continued success depends on respecting our differences.”
— Stella Chess, MD, professor of child psychiatry, New York University Medical School, author of Goodness of Fit“Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has written another excellent book for parents, this one about the seemingly inevitable power struggles between parents and their children. She provides wise, practical, and clear suggestions on how to avoid these conflicts and manage them better, chiefly by understanding the emotions that are fueling them. If only we all had this book a generation ago!”
— William B. Carey, MD, director of behavioral pediatrics, Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, author of Understanding Your Child’s Temperament" This book should be given to every parent! "
— Katerina, 2/12/2014" This book is saving my children a lot of short-tempered yelling on my part. It's my new Bible... "
— Tania, 2/4/2014" Like almost all parenting books, it made its point in the first few chapters and then spent 200 more pages reiterating. "
— David, 2/1/2014" A little repetitive after Raising Your Spirited Child, but equally well written, easy to read, and helpful. Certainly worthwhile if you've read that one and feel you want more reinforcement on what the author is saying. "
— Shannon, 1/27/2014" I really liked this book. I think it's easier said than done, but it's brilliant food for thought. I think that as a guiding principle, to remain connected with your children (or family overall) and not feel so inflicted upon is a wise frame-of-mind to maintain. "
— Shali, 1/26/2014" This book helped me look at my children and their actions differently. It pointed out to me, in a sensible and clear manner, some of the thought processes they are going through. It really helped me get a handle on some difficult times. "
— Debbie, 1/18/2014" Some great ideas, got some good insights. Main criticism is it's not super readable, more of a chore to read but worth it for the ideas and info. "
— Heather, 1/16/2014" Learning so much from this book. I'm sure I'll be reaching for it again and again as Maceo grows up. It's also helping me learn a lot about myself and my own personality. "
— Theresa, 11/17/2013" Good advice on learning your personality and your child's and how to make them work towards harmony in disciplining. "
— Jenn, 10/30/2013" Powerful... I think this is one I'll come back to again and again. "
— Sarah, 10/16/2013" Excellent set of techniques to help you figure out what is fueling the tantrums and power struggles that your kids engage in. Great stuff, but also boils down mostly to just empathy and understanding your kid's unique temperament, then adjusting your behavior to match their needs. "
— Sean, 9/10/2013" A little too touchy-feely for me, although I did get a few things out of it. "
— Ruth, 8/27/2013" I LOVE this book! A lot of what she says completely clicks with me, and makes absolute sense. I wish I would've read this book a long time ago, so I would already have had these "tools" in my parenting "toolbox". "
— Naomi, 7/24/2013" This book uses the temperament traits as well as Myers-Briggs to help parents identify their own parenting style, and how it relates to their child's personality type - and with this understanding, helps outline the tools needed to cope with the more challenging of our little darlings. Loved it. "
— Laura, 9/17/2012" Most useful parenting book I've read so far. I appreciate that, rather than the one-size-fits-all approach of other books, she teaches parents how to take parent and child temperaments into account. "
— Pam, 8/22/2012" Read this book even if you don't have kids -- there's fabulous advice for getting along with anyone. "
— Anna, 5/23/2012" This is likely my favorite AND most useful parenting book of all time. Great tips on how to talk to kids, treat them like people while at the same time raising them with boundaries and expectations of polite behaviour. "
— Alina, 4/7/2012" Read this book in conjunction with a parenting class. Gives you insight into family dynamics and interactions as well as information on working with your kids rather than fighting your way through the day. Very helpful stuff. "
— Amber, 4/7/2012" Made me feel like I was not alone, but not enough practical solutions "
— Marcy, 4/7/2012" This is an excellent book about parenting. It is consistent with research about brain development and attachment. Very practical ideas. "
— Lisa, 2/23/2012" The book is very useful to help recognize your own temperament and your child's and to take a step back and reflect on how your temperaments fit together. This book is especially useful when you are in the middle of a lot of problems with your precious angel pie. "
— Cory, 8/24/2011" This is one to buy and read and re-read and re-read... "
— Kim, 7/27/2011" Great parenting book--especially now that my 3-year-old thinks she's a dictator of a small country. "
— Nicole, 5/4/2011" Excellent. Gives great advice and ideas for when two hard headed people (read me and Carl) are going at it. How to not get into and how to get out of power struggles. Has been very helpful. "
— Emma, 2/18/2011" Another good read with common sense and non-violent advice... "
— Laura, 2/9/2011" This book uses the temperament traits as well as Myers-Briggs to help parents identify their own parenting style, and how it relates to their child's personality type - and with this understanding, helps outline the tools needed to cope with the more challenging of our little darlings. Loved it. "
— Laura, 2/8/2011" Excellent. Gives great advice and ideas for when two hard headed people (read me and Carl) are going at it. How to not get into and how to get out of power struggles. Has been very helpful. "
— Emma, 4/2/2010" Another good read with common sense and non-violent advice... "
— Laura, 3/25/2010" Made me feel like I was not alone, but not enough practical solutions "
— Marcy, 1/2/2010" This book was full of practical insight. One I most likely will return to again and again.<br/><br/>Highly recommended. "
— Thadeus, 10/18/2009" Powerful... I think this is one I'll come back to again and again. "
— Sarah, 1/9/2009" great for all of the struggles parenting brings "
— Heather, 11/12/2008" I really liked this book because it gives insight into the child's and parent's personalities, thereby enlightening the best way to work with your child. I also appreciated that it's not about changing your parenting style, but enhancing it with new knowledge about personality traits. "
— Audra, 10/21/2008Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, MA, has more than twenty years’ experience as a pioneer and award-winning educator in Minnesota’s Early Childhood Family Education Program, and she is the founder of the Spirited Child workshops. A licensed teacher and parent educator, she is also the bestselling author of Sleepless in America and Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles. She lives with her family in St. Paul, Minnesota.