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Download In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample In Fifty Years Well All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy Audiobook, by Adam Carolla Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (3,645 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Adam Carolla Narrator: Adam Carolla Publisher: Penguin Random House Format: Abridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: November 2010 ISBN: 9780307751379
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A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar.  It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills.  He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID.  At first the old sea captain just laughed.  But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again.  At this point it became apparent that he was serious.  Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son."  The bartender replied, "New policy.  Everyone has to show their ID."  Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II.
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys.  What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.  Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. 

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire. 

Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • Carolla...has keen political instincts and a vision for common sense. New York Post
  • Laugh-out-loud funny… [Adam Carolla’s] invective-filled screed is often completely politically incorrect, and always completely hilarious. AOL's Popeater.com
  • If comedy books were big-breasted porn stars, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon. Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and bestselling author of The Book of Basketball
  • Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding. Jimmy Kimmel
  • Reading Adam Carolla is akin to having a horrible illness. Alone with your thoughts, you struggle with whether you want to even go on living. When you're done, you're a stronger, better person. Alec Baldwin
  • "If you’re a man, read this book.  If you’re a man who wears turtlenecks, wise up.  Nobody thinks that looks good. Seth MacFarlane
  • “I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor—fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny—sucks out like liposuction the  layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male. Ken Burns

Listener Opinions

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Faithsmommy | 2/19/2014

    " Loved it. Laughed so hard at times I cried. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Glenn | 2/12/2014

    " If you listen to Carolla's podcast regularly, you've heard 75% of the material in this book. That's not to say it isn't entertaining experiencing his rants in print form. He does nail down many of the systemic problems and inconsistencies with American life, and that's probably the saving grace of the book. The structure of the book is all over the place, but what the heck do you expect from a guy who readily admits to having only read ~5 books in his entire life. Quick, easy read but definitely not essential. Stick to the podcast, Ace. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Shay Dahlburg | 2/11/2014

    " I'm amused to see other reviewers are disappointed in the lack of deep sociological soul searching or philosophical lessons in this book. If the title didn't clearly enough indicate that this was a work of pure comedy, the author should. Laughed the entire way through, out loud and some points almost to tears. Absolutely recommend it for anyone who doesn't take themselves too seriously and isn't easily offended. Great easy read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Covermonkey | 2/1/2014

    " It was funny until we got to his idiotic political views. Then it was just sad. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Djm Meltzer | 1/27/2014

    " Entertaining but a lot of rehashing of old bits... "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Mukil | 1/9/2014

    " The first 100 pages were interesting and were more of social commentary. But beyond that it turned into a full-blown rantfest filler material designed to inflate the page count. Its a quick light read before bedtime and/or on the commode. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Scott Thrift | 12/30/2013

    " He's funny, yes. He makes many astute points, many obtuse points. Rehashes lots of the same stuff he says in his podcast. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Muneer Uddin | 12/17/2013

    " If you've heard the podcast or Loveline, then most of the stories here will be rehashing things you've already heard. Still, it's extremely entertaining. Carolla's jags translate well to the page. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Matthew Hammond | 12/12/2013

    " Funny. Funny. Funny. Adam says all of the things you're already thinking but can't say out loud. Very easy read if you need a break from the heavy stuff. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Anna | 11/24/2013

    " Meh! The funny parts are nearly not enough to compensate the boring ranty drivel. You want to be funny, take a lesson from Greg Gutfeld. AC got paid to write this crap? Our society is really going to hell in a hand basket. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Haim Cohen | 11/12/2013

    " If you're a fan of Adam Corolla this is the book for you. It is basically a stand up routine in written form. I was constantly laughing throughout the entire book. A short quick read. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Susan Mangigian | 10/7/2013

    " Funny in a "I shouldn't be laughing at this stuff" kind of way. Some things were way past inappropriate but others were just sort of inappropriate and laugh out loud funny. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Christy (Love of Books) | 9/21/2013

    " I love Adam. I love his humor and his stories, but trying to read his book straight through is just too much. It's one of those books you should only read a chapter every other day. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Amanda Renner | 6/7/2013

    " Hilarious book, if you don't mind raunchy, slightly offensive text. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Will | 5/28/2013

    " Some of it was funny, some of it was whiney. Had a hard time getting over some of the racial and misogonystic jokes. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Connie | 3/23/2013

    " I think Adam Carolla is hilarious. In small doses. I did laugh out loud many times while reading this book. But a couple of times I had to put it down because he can just be too much. This was a quick, fun read and the first book I downloaded onto my Nook from the public library. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Patrick | 2/23/2013

    " Like a poorly edited stand up special. Still, funny. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Aaron Ash | 1/20/2013

    " Much of this book is funny. Some of it is even wise. That said I can't recommend anyone read this book. It does not stay on topic, it is not factual, and it is very profane. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Rachelicorn | 11/21/2012

    " Definitely a dick, but he makes some good points. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Joe Russell | 8/1/2012

    " Great times reading this book. His podcast is well worth checking out too. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Todd | 1/1/2012

    " I have been reading this off and on for awhile. Enjoyable enough, but found some of the material tired and retread. Still a funny dude though. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Tamara | 12/4/2011

    " I did not finish it... Not my kind of book. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Amie | 8/19/2011

    " Adam goes from jaw-dropping offensive to very funny in the same paragraph. He makes some good points. This is a really easy, fast read. The ending is pretty weak. Still, I laughed enough to enjoy it overall. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Josh Smith | 7/24/2011

    " Some of it is hilarious, some of it spot-on, some of it over-the-top vulgar. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Rachel | 6/28/2011

    " Listen to the audio- you won't be sorry! He puts tons of extra stuff in the audio version... He can't help himself! Loveya, Adam!!! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Will | 6/26/2011

    " One of the funniest books I've ever read "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Julianarioux | 6/22/2011

    " My sister borrowed my reader for her vacation so I took my husband's and found this book. It was decent. Some parts were a little raunchy and a bit surprising but overall it was funny. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Brett | 6/20/2011

    " Fun, but I grew tired of his humor by the end. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Meat-wrap | 6/14/2011

    " If you like the podcast you will like the book! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Inga | 6/13/2011

    " Enjoyed this book very much. It is also a book you can pick up and read a bit and put down since it is not one long story, but thoughts and ramblings. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Michael | 6/9/2011

    " I just stareted this book so far it has been VERY funny, and gives you a good look inside of the life of Adam Carolla! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Mike | 6/7/2011

    " While I obviously didn't agree with all his takes, there are some definitely funny lines that had me laughing pretty good at times. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 James | 6/6/2011

    " Couldn't do it. 3 chapters in and I was really turned off. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Tyler | 5/25/2011

    " I docked this book because of some of the athiest stuff that I don't agree with, but this is the funniest book I have ever read. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Chris | 5/23/2011

    " Adam Carolla is one of the smartest men of his generation, really. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Roger | 5/18/2011

    " I've never agreed with anybody in government as much as I agree with Carolla. "

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About the Author
Author Adam Carolla

Adam Carolla is the author of the New York Times bestsellers In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks and Not Taco Bell Material, as well as a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. Carolla is well known as the cohost of the syndicated radio and MTV show Loveline and the co-creator and star of The Man Show and Crank Yankers. He currently hosts Catch a Contractor and The Adam Carolla Show, which is the Guinness World Record holder for most downloaded podcast.