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Download In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy Audiobook

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3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (3,645 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Adam Carolla Narrator: Adam Carolla Publisher: Penguin Random House Format: Abridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date:
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A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar.  It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills.  He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID.  At first the old sea captain just laughed.  But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again.  At this point it became apparent that he was serious.  Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son."  The bartender replied, "New policy.  Everyone has to show their ID."  Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II.
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys.  What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.  Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. 

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire. 

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Quotes & Awards

  • Carolla...has keen political instincts and a vision for common sense. New York Post
  • Laugh-out-loud funny… [Adam Carolla’s] invective-filled screed is often completely politically incorrect, and always completely hilarious. AOL's Popeater.com
  • If comedy books were big-breasted porn stars, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon. Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and bestselling author of The Book of Basketball
  • Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding. Jimmy Kimmel
  • Reading Adam Carolla is akin to having a horrible illness. Alone with your thoughts, you struggle with whether you want to even go on living. When you're done, you're a stronger, better person. Alec Baldwin
  • "If you’re a man, read this book.  If you’re a man who wears turtlenecks, wise up.  Nobody thinks that looks good. Seth MacFarlane
  • “I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor—fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny—sucks out like liposuction the  layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male. Ken Burns

Listener Opinions

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 by Faithsmommy | 2/19/2014

    " Loved it. Laughed so hard at times I cried. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 by Glenn | 2/12/2014

    " If you listen to Carolla's podcast regularly, you've heard 75% of the material in this book. That's not to say it isn't entertaining experiencing his rants in print form. He does nail down many of the systemic problems and inconsistencies with American life, and that's probably the saving grace of the book. The structure of the book is all over the place, but what the heck do you expect from a guy who readily admits to having only read ~5 books in his entire life. Quick, easy read but definitely not essential. Stick to the podcast, Ace. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 by Shay Dahlburg | 2/11/2014

    " I'm amused to see other reviewers are disappointed in the lack of deep sociological soul searching or philosophical lessons in this book. If the title didn't clearly enough indicate that this was a work of pure comedy, the author should. Laughed the entire way through, out loud and some points almost to tears. Absolutely recommend it for anyone who doesn't take themselves too seriously and isn't easily offended. Great easy read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 by Covermonkey | 2/1/2014

    " It was funny until we got to his idiotic political views. Then it was just sad. "

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