America's 911 system is supposed to be for emergencies only. But some people apparently didn't get the memo, because the following are some of their responses when asked by dispatchers, "What's your emergency?" - "Yeah, I want to order a pizza." - "I've been standing all day and my feet hurt." - "I just swallowed a penny. Am I going to die?" - "I want an officer to come out and take care of a low-flying aircraft." - "When does the Burger King open?" New York Times best-selling author Leland H. Gregory III compiles some of the dumbest and occasionally profane (you've been warned) abuses of the 911 system ever recorded. Danielle Ferland and Andy Paris' amusing narration will have listeners either howling with laughter or scratching their heads in disbelief. Possibly both. Because this book is based on actual 911 calls, there are occasional profane words in the text. The author replaced these words with dashes, and they are bleeped in this recording.
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Leland Gregory is the New York Times bestselling author of Stupid American History and America’s Dumbest Criminals. He is also author of the national bestsellers, The Stupid Crook Book, What’s the Number for 911?, and Stupid History. Leland is a former writer for Saturday Night Live, has written and sold a screenplay to Disney, optioned a screenplay to Touchstone, and has written for a variety of magazines from Readers Digest to Maxim. A tireless promoter, he has made hundreds of radio and television appearances, including multiple appearances on NBC’s Today show. Leland lives in Nashville, Tennessee.
Andy Paris is an actor and writer. His audio narration have earned him the prestigious Audie Award, as well as AudioFile Earphones Awards. A member of the Tectonic Theater Project, he and others wrote The Laramie Project, which was nominated for an Emmy in 2002 and in which he played Stephen Belber. He has also appeared in Law & Order.
Danielle Ferland performed in her first Broadway musical production, Sunday in the Park with George, at the age of thirteen. She is best known for her Drama Desk-nominated role as Little Red Riding Hood in the original 1987 Broadway production of Into the Woods. She also appeared in theatrical productions of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, Sondheim’s A Little Night Music, and Moliere’s Tartuffe.