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Download What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample What Would Susie Say?: Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life and Comedy Audiobook, by Susie Essman Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (130 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Susie Essman Narrator: Susie Essman Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: October 2009 ISBN: 9780743597395
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IN WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?, Susie Essman sheds the crasser layers to reveal how she went from an anxiety-ridden, struggling stand-up comic to being one of the funniest women on television, playing Susie Greene on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...

MARRIAGE?

"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."

MEN WITH DOGS?

"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."

THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?

"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"

STEPPARENTHOOD?

"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you."

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face. Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • “Susie Essman always makes me scream with laughter. If she were any wiser, she’d have witnessed the birth of Christ. What Would Susie Say? made me laugh harder than I have in years. After reading it, you'll never be at a loss for words again.” 

    Bette Midler

  • “Of all the countless times in my life I’ve been directed to go f*** myself—from waiters to rabbis to trick-or-treaters to every woman I’ve ever gone out with—no one has done it with the panache and zeal of the fabulous Miss E. Sad to say, most of you will never experience that, but this book is the next best thing.” 

    Larry David

  • “Don't get me wrong, I worship Susie Essman. That said, considering she knows absolutely nothing about life, love, or comedy, I’m thrilled that she managed to pull off such a brilliant hoax.” 

    Richard Lewis, comedian

  • “If you don’t already know that Susie Essman is one of the funniest people on the planet then pick up this wonderful book with her pitch-perfect comic voice on every page. Dorothy Parker with a lot more heart.” 

    David Steinberg

Listener Opinions

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Rachel | 2/17/2014

    " I love Susie Greene on Curb, so I had to read about the woman behind the character. She's funny :-) "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Lisa | 2/15/2014

    " the last couple chapters were the best.. I loved when she was talking about Curb and Larry David and how that show operates. after all, that is why we love her! the rest of the book was interesting but certainly not riveting and it could've probably been done jb half the space. I picked it up cheap at Borders when it was going out if business so I was satisfied with what I got. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Maughn Gregory | 1/29/2014

    " Very funny stories and "bullshit wisdom" from one of my favorite TV actors. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Cierra | 1/23/2014

    " If I was older I probably would have enjoyed this book (audiobook) a lot more. I couldn't relate to her issues with marriage and children or menopause, but it had some good moments. My favorite parts were her chapters on how/why she got into comedy and Curb Your Enthusiasm, which were the reasons I was interested in the book in the first place. I don't like self improvement books and this is what What Would Susie Say? mostly was. She talks about relationships, friendships, germs, health and so on. Most of her advice on relationships and kindness were just cliches, and a lot of the book was very redundant. Essman also pointed out the obvious, a lot, like if you're in an abusive relationship you should get out. Had I actually read this book instead of listening to it I probably would have like it less, listening to the author tell her own story definitely adds something to the book. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Darcie | 1/19/2014

    " (I cheated and got the audio book read by the author for a trip to Ikea.) "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Matthew Roy | 1/13/2014

    " Not for guys, but the part about how she go into comedy was pretty interesting "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Chad | 1/8/2014

    " Very funny book by an extremely funny woman. Although it did start off slow it had me laughing on the train. A tip of the hat to you Ms. Essman "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Francine Morrow | 1/8/2014

    " My SIL lent me this book. I'm just on the second chapter, but it is hilarious. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 ette | 12/28/2013

    " Some of it was funny. Some of the biographical stuff about being a comic was boring, but that was because I was reading it for the more funny chapters. I wasn't that interested in her life. But, not a bad read. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Tracy | 12/4/2013

    " F#%@ing great! "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Penina Frager | 6/4/2013

    " I kinda want to be her best friend. So funny. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Martha | 11/10/2012

    " Made me want to watch an episode of 'Curb' then google for her stand up bits. Not for the faint of heart, or the easily offended. To sort of quote susie, pretty effing funny. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Stuart | 9/27/2012

    " That good sex is more important to women than it is to men. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Shelly | 4/26/2012

    " not as funny as I'd hoped it would be... "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Renee Porter | 3/28/2012

    " This book had it all - great humor, a soft touching human side and great anicdotes about New York and LA. I just love Susie on Curb and really loved this book. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Katie | 12/16/2011

    " I love Susie Essman's stand-up comedy, but the written version doesn't stand up. I feel like I've been disappointed by most of the comedy writing I've been reading lately. Goes to show how difficult writing comedy can be. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Goldfrancine | 11/19/2011

    " Funny---recommend to grown women who need a good laugh! "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Tara D-K | 10/23/2011

    " I'm still reading it but it's kind of boring and cliche. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Shane | 8/12/2011

    " Thought this would be really funny since it's written by a comedian but it was way too self-help for me. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Angela Lintner | 6/21/2011

    " A funny yet a times very serious look at life. . .for anyone who is a Curb Your Enthusiasm fan. . .a great read and a f*ck you. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Katie | 4/26/2011

    " I barely got through the first couple of sections...I know this is her perspective but as soon as she got to commenting on lesbians...I just couldn't get through the generalizations. I think I'll just stick with watching her in Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Thom | 11/24/2010

    " Very light listening - read by author. It was on sale, so I was just curious and the price was right. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Amie | 10/26/2010

    " If you like Susie Essman on Curb Your Enthusiasm you'll really like this book. When I watched the last remaining episodes of CYE after reading this book I had a new appreciation for Susie. She's great. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Bgamble | 8/8/2010

    " Who susie essman is.. I don't get HBO. She made me laugh. "

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About the Author
Author Susie Essman

Susie Essman played the sassy Susie Greene for all seven seasons of the critically acclaimed HBO comedy series Curb Your Enthusiasm. Her hilarious bouts of withering sarcasm and uninhibited insults became her character’s trademark, and her streetwise vernacular is perfectly suited for her life in Manhattan, where she is a veteran of the world of standup comedy. She divides her time between New York City and upstate New York, where she lives with her husband, four stepchildren, and two dogs.