While it may seem as if we live in a man's world," reports Pollack, "we do not live in a boy's world." Many boys today are struggling either silently, with low self-esteem and feelings of loneliness and isolation, or publicly, by acting out feelings of emotional and social disconnection through anger and acts of violence against themselves or their friends and families. While academic performance and self-esteem are low, the rates of suicide and depression are on the rise. As the recent tragedies in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and Edinboro, Pennsylvania demonstrated, boys today are in crisis--on a national scale. Real Boys explains why. Much has been written about the plight of girls in adolescence--their decreased self-esteem, increased emphasis on appearance, gender bias in the classroom, and the confusion about what it means to be feminine. Boys, Pollack discovered, suffer a similar gender identity crisis even before adolescence. Reasearch shows that male infants are more emotionally expressive than female infants. However, as a boy ages, his emotional expressiveness decreases. Why? Because 'The Boy Code'--society's definition of what it means to be a boy--demands that boys suppress or cover up their emotions. As a result, boys develop a "mask of masculinity" to hide their shame, vulnerability and the other feelings they cannot express publicly. The inability to show true emotions hardens a boy until, ultimately, he loses touch with them. Today's boys, Pollack writes, are "only allowed to lead half their emotional lives.
Download and start listening now!
"We are doing a great disservice to our sons with some of the cultural expectations we place on them. This book compassionately explains many of the problems boys face in our society and what we can do to help. I grew up with all sisters and didn't have a lot of experience with boys and men until I married. This book has helped me understand my husband and son better. I especially liked the explanation of active love and how boys and girls express closeness differently at times. I hope it's helped me be more understanding and able to connect with the guys in my life. I guess my son and husband would have to be the judge of that."
— Suzanne (5 out of 5 stars)
“Parents will be able to identify with [Pollack'’s] easy manner and will appreciate his sensible advice for helping their sons remove the mask.”
— AudioFile“Lucidly written…Enlightening and stimulating.”
— Publishers Weekly" For so long, Doctors have examined the interworkings and complexitites of women in an attempt to describe their behaviors within society. While such documentation has proven to be indightful, "Real Boys" takes a rare (and rather in-depth) inventory into the innate social, phisiological and behavioral dispositions of young men. Very interesting and entirely relevant. "
— Ashley, 2/16/2014" Anyone who has any interaction with boys or men should read this book; it will change the way you think about masculinity and gender socialization. "
— Angela, 2/1/2014" I learned a lot about boys, which is good since I have two. Another must for parents, educators and those interested by being male or having to deal with those who are. "
— Valerie, 1/31/2014" There's so much to this book about dispelling the boy myths. Great information...if only I could get through it. "
— Renee, 1/24/2014" what is becoming of the men in our society, where are we heading with our future leaders? "
— DixieJo, 1/23/2014" As the father of two young sons, I was told that I should read this. I think the most memorable thing I take away from it is how times have changed in the 14 years since its initial publication. It assumes that the first day in kindergarten marks the initial separation from a mother and her son and is a traumatic event, whereas preschool is now so ubiquitous as to make this concern either obsolete, or at the least folded into much earlier trauma. It regards stay at home dads as a rare (albeit welcome) oddity. And it spends a lot of its energy trying to convince its readers that boys have feelings, too. Were things really this backward in the late 1990's? If so, I guess I gotta thank Pollack and Co for changing things. When Pollack dives into the weeds of educational policy or our attitudes towards sports, he remains compelling. His indictment of our female-centric grammar schools is pretty damning. But much of this now reads as platitude, a missive from an olden time. "
— Hundeschlitten, 1/16/2014" A must read for all Mothers of pre-pubescent boys..... "
— Joan, 1/15/2014" A must for parents of boys. Very informative. "
— Mike, 1/8/2014" Disappointing. Not nearly as helpful as Mary Pipher's Reviving Ophelia...I'm still looking for something equally as insightful with boys in mind. "
— Lea, 11/27/2013" Valuable insights about boys' behavior that anyone who works with boys should read. However, it was written over 10 years ago, so the statistics no longer apply. Adults. "
— Mirele, 10/1/2013" Very good book to help our boys grow into their best-adjusted, most authentic selves. "
— Kimberly, 8/30/2013" I read this when my kids were a lot younger -- it was a good book to read at the time. There are a lot of parenting books out there but I remember this as being a good one. "
— Mary, 4/7/2013" This book opened up my eyes to how society treats children based on their gender. I read this over a decade ago and it has changed who I am as a parent. "
— Leilanit7, 9/24/2012" If you have boys, it's worth the read without a doubt. Some of Pollack's techniques of communication I've used throughout the years with my two (now teenage) sons. "
— Marilyn, 5/29/2012" The boys equivalent to Reviving Ophelia. A great resource to understand how boys are socialized in this society - and how that process impacts individual boys. Non-fiction. "
— Ganelle, 5/2/2012" I think this is a great book for mothers or wives to read. It would be a good companion read with Reviving Ophelia. It can be a little dense- not for the faint of heart. We read it in on of my BYU classes. "
— Shannie, 1/29/2012" Even as a gay man with a lot of so-called "feminine" qualities and who never tried to butch himself up, I found a lot of interesting insights into my own personality here. A great, if a tad repetitive, look at how boys deal with emotions and feelings. "
— James, 12/25/2011" Very helpful book discussing the nurturing and raising of boys. "
— Kim, 11/9/2011" This is a fabulous book on adolescent boys, parenting, american culture and how these all interact to create generations of emotionally straight-jacketed boys, who turn into angry men, unable to express the full range of human emotion. I highly recommend it! "
— Jennifer, 5/26/2011" Very well written and lots of studies and information that I found interesting. "
— Alexander, 4/9/2011" Disturbing although a little out of date. I would really appreciate a newer version!!! It definitely has changed the way I approach and speak to my 14 year-old!! "
— Robin, 11/8/2010" Good golly. This book needs serious editing before it is terribly useful for academics OR us regular folks. "
— Julie, 10/6/2010" better than Raising Cain <br/> <br/>some jewels still more silt than I'd like "
— Kathy, 3/12/2010" This book opened up my eyes to how society treats children based on their gender. I read this over a decade ago and it has changed who I am as a parent. "
— Leilanit7, 11/28/2009" This is a fabulous book on adolescent boys, parenting, american culture and how these all interact to create generations of emotionally straight-jacketed boys, who turn into angry men, unable to express the full range of human emotion. I highly recommend it! "
— Jennifer, 8/22/2009" There are some real nice tidbits in here that are helping me! "
— Mia, 8/13/2009" I recommend this book to anyone who has a boy and is trying to understand them. I had to get this book for psychology and WOW did it open my eyes to the other sexes mind. "
— Season, 7/23/2009" I think this is a great book for mothers or wives to read. It would be a good companion read with Reviving Ophelia. It can be a little dense- not for the faint of heart. We read it in on of my BYU classes. "
— Shannie, 6/7/2009William S. Pollack, Ph.D. is the Director of the Centers for Men and Young Men and the Director of Continuing Education at McLean Hospital and Assistant Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is the past president of the Massachusetts Psychological Association, a member the Boston Psychoanalytic Society, and a founding member/fellow of The Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity, a division of the American Psychological Association. An internationally recognized authority on boys and men, Dr. Pollack is Founder & Director of the REAL BOYS® Educational Programs.