A powerful memoir about the traumas of a perilous childhood, a shattering murder-suicide, and a healing journey from escape to survival to recovery
Growing up, Lisa Nikolidakis tried to make sense of her childhood, which was scarred by abuse, violence, and psychological terrors so extreme that her relationship with her father was cleaved beyond repair. Having finally been able to leave that relationship behind, surviving meant forgetting. For years, “I’m fine” was a lie Nikolidakis repeated.
Then, on her twenty-seventh birthday, Nikolidakis’s father murdered his girlfriend and her daughter, and turned the gun on himself. Nikolidakis’s world cracked open, followed by conflicted emotions: shock, grief, mourning for the innocent victims, and relief that she had escaped the same fate.
In the tragedy’s wake, questions lingered: Who was this man, and why had he inflicted such horrors on her and his last victims? For answers, Nikolidakis embarked on a quest to Greece to find her father’s estranged family and a reckoning with the past she never expected.
In her gripping and moving memoir, Nikolidakis explores not only the making of a killer but her own liberation from the demons that haunted her and her profound self-restoration in the face of unimaginable crimes.
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“A gripping, brutally honest memoir that deals with some heavy themes but will leave readers feeling hopeful and reflective by the end. Readers who enjoy examining the human spirit will be drawn to this book.”
— Library Journal (starred review)
“A brave and inspiring account of a movement through pain to a complex reckoning and self-recovery.”
— Kirkus ReviewsBe the first to write a review about this audiobook!
Lisa Nikolidakis is an associate professor of creative writing and faculty adviser of P.R.I.D.E. Her essay “Family Tradition” was selected by Jonathan Franzen for inclusion in The Best American Essays 2016, and she won Bellingham Review’s Annie Dillard Prize for Creative Nonfiction 2021 for her essay “Whale Song for the Weary.” Other writing of hers has won various prizes and mentions, including the Gulf Coast Prize, Indiana Review’s Fiction Prize, the Tobias Wolff Award for Fiction, the Calvino Prize, A Room of Her Own’s Orlando Prize, Cincinnati Review’s Robert and Adele Schiff Award for Prose, Hunger Mountain’s Howard Frank Mosher Short Fiction Prize, Briar Cliff Review’s annual nonfiction contest, and Chattahoochee Review’s Lamar York Prize.