Meet the Alexes Audiobook

Welcome! Please, make yourselves at home! Dungeon Rules are posted over there. You break 'em, and Baron Grimes will break your kneecaps. Piss him off badly enough, and he'll cave your head in. Really piss him off, and he'll string up your friends and family in front of you as you bleed out to death.

Just kidding! He'll probably just fine you . . . while knocking you around silly.

Anyhow, beds are ten copper per head per night. Complementary meals are served in the dining hall.

You can get in touch with Merchant Liszviel if you are looking for amenities outside the dungeon. She'll be more than happy to accommodate you if you've got the coin.

Oh, and I know the Dungeon Rules are over there, but I have to say this upfront: please avoid harming, killing, or forcing yourselves upon myself or the other Alexes in full view of other guests. That happens frequently enough to make some guests feel squeamish. At least talk it out with one of us before getting down to whatever floats your boat.

And please disregard any ideas that we Alexes are people or something. We have no souls inside our hollow shells, for we are merely walking piles of meat sculpted by the dungeon to serve as its proxies.

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