I want to be awful. I want to do awful things and why not? Dull is dull is dull is my life. Like now, it's night, not yet time for bed but too late to be outside, and the two of them reading reading reading with their eyes moving like the lights inside a copy machine. When I was helping put the dishes in the washer tonight, I broke a plate. I said sorry Ma it slipped. But it didn't slip, that's how I am sometimes, and I want to be worse. Awful is easy if you make it your one and only.
Fear doesn't come naturally to Mathilda Savitch. She prefers to look right at the things nobody else can bring themselves to mention: for example, the fact that her beloved older sister is dead, pushed in front of a train by a man who is still on the loose. But after a year of spying and provocations, she's no closer to the truth than she was the day it happened. When Mathilda finally cracks Helen's e-mail password, a secret life opens up, one that swiftly draws her into a world of clouded motives and strange emotion. Somewhere in it lies the key to waking her family up from their dream of grief. To cross into that underworld and see what her sister saw, she has to risk everything that matters to her.
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"This is a coming of age, debut novel about a precocious girl, Mathilda, who is dealing with the death of her sister from a year before. Mathilda narrates with believable teen agnst and disturbed logic. You never know what she will say or do next. Easy, entertaining read, but by no means 'light reading' (it's filled with depression, mental unstability and grief). I can't wait to see what's next from Lodato."
— Laura (4 out of 5 stars)
A stunning portrait of grief and youthful imagination.
— Publishers Weekly Starred Review“The outrageous, pitch-perfect voice of this book grabs you up and won’t let go. A bravura performance.”
— Mary Karr, author of the New York Times bestseller The Liar’s Club“Prepare to be—in equal measures—charmed and haunted. Because once you get this precocious teen’s sad, sharp voice in your head, it’s hard to get it out.”
— Christian Science Monitor“A stunning portrait of grief and youthful imagination.”
— Publishers Weekly (starred review)“Engaging and humorous yet grappling with serious issues.”
— Library Journal (starred review)“Lodato indelibly captures the fragile vulnerability and fearless bravado of adolescence through Mathilda’s impeccable voice…A phenomenal debut.”
— Booklist (starred review)" This male playwright has magically transformed his voice into that of a troubled adolescent. She is consistently inconsistent, fluctuating between impervious to helpless to surly to giddy, much like a real adolescent. On occasions she is brilliant and on other occasions she is just plain ruthless and stupid. "
— Yumi, 2/18/2014" atypical story in the narrative voice of a typical precocious child "
— Samie, 2/9/2014" It just did not work for me on any level. I really wanted to like it. "
— Sarah, 1/28/2014" a fantastic book, slightly reminiscent of "Lovely Bones" but following the little sister's story. Mathilda is a lovely, complex protagonist who broke my heart a few times throughout the course of the novel. I read it in two days because I couldn't put it down. "
— Stephanie, 1/16/2014" I really got into the character of Mathilda in the beginning, but there just wasn't enough growth for her to make this book satisfying for me. There was so much room for something to happen, but I felt like nothing did. It just fell flat for me. "
— Christen, 12/17/2013" I thought this book was really interesting, if confusing. I did not Mathilda as the narrator, I felt she was pretty, well....crazy. And the 'surprise' about the way Helene died was not really a surprise at all. The author tried to tell "
— Alex, 11/11/2013" Didn't love it. I thought the premise was interesting but frankly, it just started to feel like I was reading about a very disturbed young girl that needed psychological help. Got kind of bored but plowed on to the end. "
— Christina, 11/7/2013" Mathilda is a great character. Her older sister has died and her parents are not coping well. She takes it upon herself to figure out what happened to her sister. Sad and great. "
— Rebecca, 8/28/2013" A good read but I didn't find it particularly memorable. "
— Heather, 6/9/2013" Reviews said funny & compelling. I found it depressing & bleak. "
— Anne, 5/27/2013" I loved Mathilda's voice in this book. Her character is wonderfully dark and quirky. It's a quick read. "
— Melissa, 1/25/2013" Mathilda is crazy, I loved being inside her head. "
— Tj, 5/15/2011" Hard to get into, a little graphic, but I could not put it down.....I had to get to the end:-) "
— Katie, 4/29/2011" Just plain excellent writing, unique voice, and compelling storytelling. "
— Rea, 4/7/2011" I'm a sucker for precocious young female narrators in the first person, but the story wasn't enough to back up the original voice. "
— Jennifer, 3/27/2011" I thought this book was really interesting, if confusing. I did not Mathilda as the narrator, I felt she was pretty, well....crazy. And the 'surprise' about the way Helene died was not really a surprise at all. The author tried to tell "
— Alex, 3/12/2011" This book started out with such promise. I looked the voice of the narrator. She was witty and funny and dark at the same time. But then the story just got weird. I didn't like the turns that it took, and it ended up just being creepy in a not good way. Great narrative voice, bad story. "
— Carly, 2/9/2011" 3 1/2 Lodato tells the story of a teenage girl who sister dies by falling in the path of a train in a fresh, interesting voice. Mathilda deals with her family and friends after the death of her sister. I enjoyed this book. "
— Julie, 2/8/2011" How ironic that I would be enjoying a book told from an adolescent's point of view. I dread the mention of such books in our book club, yet I am fascinated with this girl's perspective. She is so bizarre, but hilarious in her way with words and her take on what is happening around her. "
— Kim, 2/8/2011Victor Lodato is a poet, playwright, and novelist. He is winner of the PEN Center USA Award for fiction. His stories and essays have appeared in the New Yorker, New York Times, Granta, and Best American Short Stories. He is the recipient of fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation and the National Endowment for the Arts.
Cassandra Campbell has won multiple Audie Awards, Earphones Awards, and the prestigious Odyssey Award for narration. She was been named a “Best Voice” by AudioFile magazine and in 2018 was inducted in Audible’s inaugural Narrator Hall of Fame.