My Aunt Patience, who tilled a small farm in the state of Michigan, had a favorite cow. This creature was not a good cow, nor a profitable one, for instead of devoting a part of her leisure to secretion of milk and production of veal she concentrated all her faculties on the study of kicking. The demon cow of Michigan will attack any living being she comes across … and when Aunt Patience resolves to marry, every single man in the county goes to extreme lengths to become unavailable for the honor. Such was their fear of being married alive by my Aunt Patience. Finally she does wed a Methodist parson by the name of Huggins. This is the story of one man’s battle against the most ferocious cow in Michigan.
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Ambrose Bierce (1842–ca. 1914) was an American journalist, short-story writer, and poet. Born in Ohio, he served in the Civil War and then settled in San Francisco. He wrote for Hearst’s Examiner, his wit and satire making him the literary dictator of the Pacific coast and strongly influencing many writers. He disappeared into war-torn Mexico in 1913.
Cathy Dobson is the author of Planet Germany and a narrator of audiobooks.