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Download Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities, by Chris Kluwe Click for printable size audiobook cover
0 out of 50 out of 50 out of 50 out of 50 out of 5 0.00 (0 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Chris Kluwe Narrator: Chris Kluwe Publisher: Hachette Book Group Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date:
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Hi. In your hands, right now, you hold the culmination of thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and pay attention to my book.

What is in my book, you ask? (I’m really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to tell you.)

Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.

Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: “This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means to be human.”

Excessive brags about myself: “An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom.”

Oh, and also an essay on the Pope’s Twitter account. Honestly, if that doesn’t draw you in, there’s no hope left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping I’d go away and die now!

So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this “collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and stories.” (I have no idea why that’s in quotes.) Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies. (You know you want to.)

Download and start listening now!


Quotes & Awards

  • “The most interesting man in the N.F.L.”

    New York Times

  • “Chris Kluwe is a glimmering sparklepony of candor (and not afraid to dive fearlessly into the marriage equality debate).”

    Mother Jones

  • “In a league (and sports climate) which has become one, long, repetitive sound bite, a guy who will actually say something meaningful.”


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About the Author

Chris Kluwe grew up in Southern California among a colony of wild chinchillas and didn’t learn how to communicate outside of barking and howling until he was fourteen years old. He has played football in the NFL, once wrestled a bear for a pot of gold, and lies occasionally. He is also the eternal disappointment of his mother, who just can’t understand why he hasn’t cured cancer yet. Do you know why these bio things are in third person? I have no idea. Please tell me if you figure it out.