Pissants Audiobook

Nothing like this has ever happened at a footy club. Honest.

The embittered fringe players of an unnamed football club follow rules of their own. Kidnapping a teammate’s dog for a gag. Taking potent painkiller suppositories to get through the living nightmare of a sponsors’ event. Ticking off their Pissants bingo cards to survive the weirdness of meetings with the club psych. Fangs, Stick, Squidman and Shaggers speak in a cryptic code of inside jokes and WhatsApp exchanges, chained to each other by their place on the outskirts of the team.

Together, these characters present a jaw-dropping snapshot of life within the chaotic world of a professional sports club. The psychotic rituals. The dementing cliches. The adulation. The pressure. The broken staff. The despair. The towering egos. The flatlining sexual encounters. The life-saving friendships.

Trainspotting gets munted with A Visit from the Goon Squad in Ted Lasso’s Front Bar in this brutally hilarious, unhinged and at times surprisingly moving insider’s glimpse into one anonymous footy club – and what might happen behind the headlines, off the field and out of sight.

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