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Download My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Audiobook, by Chelsea Handler Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (57,750 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Chelsea Handler Narrator: Cassandra Campbell Publisher: Tantor Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: August 2008 ISBN: 9781400178261
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You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning. Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt. Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry
  • “This book is no-holds-barred hilarious.”

    Jennifer Weiner, New York Times bestselling author

  • “Offbeat and laugh-out-loud-funny.”

    Library Journal

  • “In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they’re also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt.”

    Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry

Listener Opinions

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 JulieAnne | 2/17/2014

    " Funny poolside summer fluff "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Kara Piper | 2/16/2014

    " Laughter , she s the real deal. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Kelley | 2/16/2014

    " Quick read. Funny. If you pick this up after reading the title you must have an open mind so enjoy this one. Actually made me laugh out lout - literally. "Skid Marks" was my favorite. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Sara Goehl | 2/14/2014

    " takes no brainpower to get through whatsoever.....kind of like watching Real Housewives, then again, I actually finished it within a few days, so it couldn't have been that bad. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Heather Lindsteadt | 2/2/2014

    " Hillarious! I love her! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Crissx3 | 2/1/2014

    " loved this! it takes a lot of courage to write a book like this! and she wrote it wonderfully! "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Christine | 1/31/2014

    " brain candy... "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Rebecca Austin | 1/28/2014

    " A great light summer read! If any of these stories are true I would ask Chelsea one question: How did you keep a straight face??? My God... I can't think of a better time to be had out in lala land, you go girl! I spent my 20s raising kids but now I can read what may have happened if I stayed single. Chelsea is my kind of people and a girls night out w/her would be a riot. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Christina | 1/19/2014

    " I can not believe this stuff really happened to one person. She is a great story teller. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 MacKenzie Connell | 1/12/2014

    " I loved it. Very funny. People say I look like Chelsea and what is even more ironic is that we have a similar writing style. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Em | 1/10/2014

    " Listened to audio book for this read - first time I've done the 'audio book' thing. Not too bad - had me lol at some stages. Don't know if I would have got thru the whole book if I had read it??? "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Elena | 1/5/2014

    " I don't always appreciate her humor on tv, but this book did make me laugh out loud. It's a fun beach read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Hannah | 1/3/2014

    " I love Chelsea, but this book was a bit overboard. I'd definitely recommend her other books over this one, simply because it's so aggressive and hard to relate to. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Tanya S | 12/26/2013

    " I laughed so hard I cried through most of this book. So damn funny! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 S. Dinkelman | 12/19/2013

    " I couldn't stop laughing. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Morgan M. | 12/10/2013

    " Funny and entertaining, but not hilarious. She is awesome for admitting to what she has done, because I would never admit to half of it of I had done it!! "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Gauche Busters | 10/22/2013

    " Very fun, just like you would expect. Was great beach reading. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Joanna Nesgoda | 9/5/2013

    " Entertaining at times, but not as funny as I was hoping it would be. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Sunita | 8/15/2013

    " Its fast moving fun book. Showing true colors of high spirited girl ready to enjoy life. Fast and Fun "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Fran | 7/28/2013

    " This book was so bad. I kept reading thinking that the writing would get better or that everything would suddenly tie together. It didn't. I'm neither a fan nor a hater of Chelsea Handler; I'm rather indifferent. This book is just...not good. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Mona Morris | 5/24/2013

    " Raunchy but funny. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Evan Peterson | 10/21/2012

    " I enjoy Chelsea Handler's talk show. The book is easy to read. Like her show, the book goes to pains to paint her out to be a very promiscuous alcoholic. As a comedy memoir, it ends up falling pretty flat. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Tammye | 10/1/2012

    " She is a really funny person... "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Pam Herrmann | 9/21/2012

    " Absolutely loved it. I have never laughed so much reading a book before! Yes, Chelsea may be a little crass and far-fetched -- but I enjoyed every minute of it! "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Alex | 8/31/2012

    " This is a HILARIOUS read. I laughed out loud the entire time. This is my alternative to your standard rom-com film, but much more entertaining. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Anne-paige Duncan | 7/1/2012

    " 4 stars for meeting the objective of being hilarious and innappropriate. NOT for being strong literature. SO FUNNY! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Catherine | 5/21/2012

    " Couldn't stop laughing. LOVE all of her books. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Rayliene | 12/5/2011

    " Too freaking hilarious. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Elana | 8/8/2011

    " Laugh out loud hysterical - loved it - going to read the rest of her books "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Aaron | 6/30/2011

    " Some funny stories, some ridiculous, some over the top, but a quick fun read. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Crystal | 6/30/2011

    " A few humorous splices of reading, otherwise it was fairly mundane and only good for killing time. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Lyssa | 6/30/2011

    " If you like Chelsea you will find this hilarious. Perfect for the beach. I laughed out loud several times. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Megan Ciszewski | 6/30/2011

    " Laughed out loud. Best of her books. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Courtney | 6/29/2011

    " I rated this as OK due to the fact I only paid $2 for it. I wouldn't recommend it--thought it would be funnier. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Elise | 6/29/2011

    " Hilarious and so much fun to read! "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Christy | 6/28/2011

    " Finished this during Jury Duty today. Honestly, you can perceive Chelsea one of two ways through this book---one, shes a great story teller. Or two, Chelsea did just drink a ton of vodka and sleep around. When push comes to shove, I'm glad I got it for only $1.99 on my nook for sale. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Jamie | 6/28/2011

    " Not as funny as I had hoped. There is something a little sad and gross about these stories and especially about the men that she sleeps with...ugh. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Jenna | 6/28/2011

    " I found myself appalled and hysterical all at the same time. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Kathryn | 6/28/2011

    " A fun reward for a year well completed! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Janee | 6/27/2011

    " Hysterical from beginning to end. This book is a short read but well worth it. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Cait | 6/26/2011

    " Funny, down to earth, and just ridiculous. It will make you feel better about your own sexual embarrassments in your twenties and desperately want a vodka cranberry. Who wants to go out with me tonight? "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Courtney | 6/26/2011

    " Loved it! I was laughing the whole way through. I love autobiographies like this where it makes me wish I was friends with her just to be apart of all the crazy stuff she has done. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Jami | 6/26/2011

    " Exactly what it says it is--hilarious, crass, and awesome. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Sarah | 6/26/2011

    " I'm a huge Chelsea fan and all, but I didn't find this book to be ridiculously hilarious, like some of the reviews said. It was very entertaining and had plenty of funny parts, though. "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Cara | 6/24/2011

    " Ugh. I don't like stories like this. It is hard to believe people are that depraved. "

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About the Author
Author Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler has built a career around her biting wit and no-holds-barred comedic style. Already an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, Handler is now also the author of several bestselling books. She is the star of her own late-night show, Chelsea Lately, was in the cast of Girls Behaving Badly, and has starred in her own Comedy Central special.

About the Narrator

Cassandra Campbell, Audie Award–nominated narrator and winner of several Earphones Awards, has performed in regional theaters across the country and in several off-Broadway shows at the Public Theater and the Mint Theater. In addition to narrating audiobooks, acting, and directing, she is a commercial and documentary voice-over artist.