My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Audiobook, by Chelsea Handler Play Audiobook Sample

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Audiobook

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Audiobook, by Chelsea Handler Play Audiobook Sample
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Read By: Cassandra Campbell Publisher: Tantor Audio Listen Time: at 1.0x Speed 4.17 hours at 1.5x Speed 3.13 hours at 2.0x Speed Release Date: August 2008 Format: Unabridged Audiobook ISBN: 9781400178261

Quick Stats About this Audiobook

Total Audiobook Chapters:

18

Longest Chapter Length:

44:05 minutes

Shortest Chapter Length:

05:42 minutes

Average Chapter Length:

20:49 minutes

Audiobooks by this Author:

4

Other Audiobooks Written by Chelsea Handler: > View All...

Publisher Description

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

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"Loved it! I was laughing the whole way through. I love autobiographies like this where it makes me wish I was friends with her just to be apart of all the crazy stuff she has done. "

— Courtney (4 out of 5 stars)

Quotes

  • “This book is no-holds-barred hilarious.”

    — Jennifer Weiner, New York Times bestselling author
  • “Offbeat and laugh-out-loud-funny.”

    — Library Journal
  • “In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they’re also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt.”

    — Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry
  • In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt.

    — Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry

My Horizontal Life Listener Reviews

Overall Performance: 3.45454545454545 out of 53.45454545454545 out of 53.45454545454545 out of 53.45454545454545 out of 53.45454545454545 out of 5 (3.45)
5 Stars: 11
4 Stars: 9
3 Stars: 15
2 Stars: 7
1 Stars: 2
Narration: 0 out of 50 out of 50 out of 50 out of 50 out of 5 (0.00)
5 Stars: 0
4 Stars: 0
3 Stars: 0
2 Stars: 0
1 Stars: 0
Story: 0 out of 50 out of 50 out of 50 out of 50 out of 5 (0.00)
5 Stars: 0
4 Stars: 0
3 Stars: 0
2 Stars: 0
1 Stars: 0
Write a Review
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Funny poolside summer fluff "

    — JulieAnne, 2/17/2014
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Quick read. Funny. If you pick this up after reading the title you must have an open mind so enjoy this one. Actually made me laugh out lout - literally. "Skid Marks" was my favorite. "

    — Kelley, 2/16/2014
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " Laughter , she s the real deal. "

    — Kara, 2/16/2014
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " takes no brainpower to get through whatsoever.....kind of like watching Real Housewives, then again, I actually finished it within a few days, so it couldn't have been that bad. "

    — Sara, 2/14/2014
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Hillarious! I love her! "

    — Heather, 2/2/2014
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " loved this! it takes a lot of courage to write a book like this! and she wrote it wonderfully! "

    — Crissx3, 2/1/2014
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " brain candy... "

    — Christine, 1/31/2014
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " A great light summer read! If any of these stories are true I would ask Chelsea one question: How did you keep a straight face??? My God... I can't think of a better time to be had out in lala land, you go girl! I spent my 20s raising kids but now I can read what may have happened if I stayed single. Chelsea is my kind of people and a girls night out w/her would be a riot. "

    — Rebecca, 1/28/2014
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " I can not believe this stuff really happened to one person. She is a great story teller. "

    — Christina, 1/19/2014
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " I loved it. Very funny. People say I look like Chelsea and what is even more ironic is that we have a similar writing style. "

    — MacKenzie, 1/12/2014
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Listened to audio book for this read - first time I've done the 'audio book' thing. Not too bad - had me lol at some stages. Don't know if I would have got thru the whole book if I had read it??? "

    — Em, 1/10/2014
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " I don't always appreciate her humor on tv, but this book did make me laugh out loud. It's a fun beach read. "

    — Elena, 1/5/2014
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " I love Chelsea, but this book was a bit overboard. I'd definitely recommend her other books over this one, simply because it's so aggressive and hard to relate to. "

    — Hannah, 1/3/2014
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " I laughed so hard I cried through most of this book. So damn funny! "

    — Tanya, 12/26/2013
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " I couldn't stop laughing. "

    — S., 12/19/2013
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Funny and entertaining, but not hilarious. She is awesome for admitting to what she has done, because I would never admit to half of it of I had done it!! "

    — Morgan, 12/10/2013
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Very fun, just like you would expect. Was great beach reading. "

    — Gauche, 10/22/2013
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " Entertaining at times, but not as funny as I was hoping it would be. "

    — Joanna, 9/5/2013
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Its fast moving fun book. Showing true colors of high spirited girl ready to enjoy life. Fast and Fun "

    — Sunita, 8/15/2013
  • Overall Performance: 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5

    " This book was so bad. I kept reading thinking that the writing would get better or that everything would suddenly tie together. It didn't. I'm neither a fan nor a hater of Chelsea Handler; I'm rather indifferent. This book is just...not good. "

    — Fran, 7/28/2013
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Raunchy but funny. "

    — Mona, 5/24/2013
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " I enjoy Chelsea Handler's talk show. The book is easy to read. Like her show, the book goes to pains to paint her out to be a very promiscuous alcoholic. As a comedy memoir, it ends up falling pretty flat. "

    — Evan, 10/21/2012
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " She is a really funny person... "

    — Tammye, 10/1/2012
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Absolutely loved it. I have never laughed so much reading a book before! Yes, Chelsea may be a little crass and far-fetched -- but I enjoyed every minute of it! "

    — Pam, 9/21/2012
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " This is a HILARIOUS read. I laughed out loud the entire time. This is my alternative to your standard rom-com film, but much more entertaining. "

    — Alex, 8/31/2012
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " 4 stars for meeting the objective of being hilarious and innappropriate. NOT for being strong literature. SO FUNNY! "

    — Anne-paige, 7/1/2012
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Couldn't stop laughing. LOVE all of her books. "

    — Catherine, 5/21/2012
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Too freaking hilarious. "

    — Rayliene, 12/5/2011
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " Laugh out loud hysterical - loved it - going to read the rest of her books "

    — Elana, 8/8/2011
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Laughed out loud. Best of her books. "

    — Megan, 6/30/2011
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " If you like Chelsea you will find this hilarious. Perfect for the beach. I laughed out loud several times. "

    — Lyssa, 6/30/2011
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Some funny stories, some ridiculous, some over the top, but a quick fun read. "

    — Aaron, 6/30/2011
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " A few humorous splices of reading, otherwise it was fairly mundane and only good for killing time. "

    — Crystal, 6/30/2011
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " I rated this as OK due to the fact I only paid $2 for it. I wouldn't recommend it--thought it would be funnier. "

    — Courtney, 6/29/2011
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Hilarious and so much fun to read! "

    — Elise, 6/29/2011
  • Overall Performance: 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5

    " Not as funny as I had hoped. There is something a little sad and gross about these stories and especially about the men that she sleeps with...ugh. "

    — Jamie, 6/28/2011
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " A fun reward for a year well completed! "

    — Kathryn, 6/28/2011
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Finished this during Jury Duty today. Honestly, you can perceive Chelsea one of two ways through this book---one, shes a great story teller. Or two, Chelsea did just drink a ton of vodka and sleep around. When push comes to shove, I'm glad I got it for only $1.99 on my nook for sale. "

    — Christy, 6/28/2011
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " I found myself appalled and hysterical all at the same time. "

    — Jenna, 6/28/2011
  • Overall Performance: 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5

    " Hysterical from beginning to end. This book is a short read but well worth it. "

    — Janee, 6/27/2011
  • Overall Performance: 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5

    " Exactly what it says it is--hilarious, crass, and awesome. "

    — Jami, 6/26/2011
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " Funny, down to earth, and just ridiculous. It will make you feel better about your own sexual embarrassments in your twenties and desperately want a vodka cranberry. Who wants to go out with me tonight? "

    — Cait, 6/26/2011
  • Overall Performance: 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5

    " I'm a huge Chelsea fan and all, but I didn't find this book to be ridiculously hilarious, like some of the reviews said. It was very entertaining and had plenty of funny parts, though. "

    — Sarah, 6/26/2011
  • Overall Performance: 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5

    " Ugh. I don't like stories like this. It is hard to believe people are that depraved. "

    — Cara, 6/24/2011

About Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler has built a career around her biting wit and no-holds-barred comedic style. Already an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, Handler is now also the author of several bestselling books. She is the star of her own late-night show, Chelsea Lately, was in the cast of Girls Behaving Badly, and has starred in her own Comedy Central special.

About Cassandra Campbell

Cassandra Campbell has won multiple Audie Awards, Earphones Awards, and the prestigious Odyssey Award for narration. She was been named a “Best Voice” by AudioFile magazine and in 2018 was inducted in Audible’s inaugural Narrator Hall of Fame.