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Download Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Audiobook

Extended Audio Sample Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb Click for printable size audiobook cover
3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 3.00 (815 ratings) (rate this audio book) Author: Lori Gottlieb Narrator: Mia Barron Publisher: HarperCollins Format: Unabridged Audiobook Delivery: Instant Download Audio Length: Release Date: February 2010 ISBN: 9780061998942
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You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven't found The One just yet. Surely he'll come along, right?

But what if he doesn't? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn't realize it?

Suddenly finding herself forty and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough.

Looking at her friends' happy marriages to good enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, "Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb's probably got a point," to Newsweek and NPR, which declared, "Lori Gottlieb didn't want to take her mother's advice to be less picky, but now that she's turned forty, she wonders if her mother is right." Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that actually mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their "type"?

That's where Marry Him comes in.

By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face--how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy--as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their twenties to their sixties.

Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.

Download and start listening now!

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Quotes & Awards

  • “I have been very happily married for many years, and if my daughters ever ask me for advice about potential spouses, I plan to pass off a lot of what’s in this book as my own sage wisdom.”

    Kurt Anderson, New York Times bestselling author of Heyday

  • “By telling you to read Lori Gottlieb’s incisive and insightful book, I hope I can make up for all the unrealistic romantic propaganda I had a hand in spreading as a former editor at a glossy women’s magazine. For anyone who is single but looking, the surprising truths in Marry Him go against just about everything we’ve been brought up to believe about dating and marriage.” 

    Megan McCafferty, New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series

  • “Engaging, hilarious, brutally honest, and eye-opening! Marry Him is an encouraging story about finding love by getting real.”

    Rachel Greenwald, New York Times bestselling author of Find a Husband After 35 

  • Marry Him is a treasure. A must-read on getting the male and female brain together in almost perfect harmony.” 

    Louann Brizendine, New York Times bestselling author of The Female Brain

  • “What Gottlieb is saying isn’t subversive—it’s smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check.”

    Diablo Cody, Academy Award–winning screenwriter of Juno 

  • “An unexpected delight. Honest and darkly comic...the truth can be liberating.”

    New York Times

  • “A provocative pop culture treatise...she encourages us to think through our own beliefs and unexamined assumptions." 

    Chicago Tribune

  • Marry Him is a frank and funny read, weaving real people’s stories with Gottlieb’s own experiences.”

    New York Observer

  • “This impeccably researched tome is mandatory reading.”

    Huffington Post

  • “Funny and relatable...anything but anti-romance.”

    People

  • Marry Him is surprisingly, unnervingly convincing.”

    O, The Oprah Magazine

  • “It was a humbling experience to read Marry Him, but I’m so glad I did.” 

    Glamour

  • “A well-conceived and convincing argument on how to find a more realistic Mr. Right. If you've ever sought your own Prince Charming, your love life will never be the same again. And that’s a good thing.” 

    Christian Science Monitor

  • “A sensible plea to discard the toxic fantasy of romantic comedies and think realistically about what makes a solid partnership.”

    Salon

  • “The advice doled out also makes good sense, and Gottlieb is personable and appealing.”

    Publishers Weekly

  • “Gottlieb’s honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work.”  

    Booklist (starred review)

  • “A funny cautionary tale of one woman’s journey through the modern landscape of dating.

    Library Journal

  • A New York Times Bestseller
  • A New York Times Editor’s Choice

Listener Opinions

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Nicole | 2/16/2014

    " This is a must-read for every woman in their 20s and beyond, whether they are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married. While it can sometimes be hard to stomach, this is the sage advice of a woman who's been there. It may hurt you in your feminist heart a little or seem pathetic at times (I need a man, wah!) - but it's good to strip away those illusions of "some day my prince will come" and feel less guilty about wanting the whole marriage/white-picket fence fantasy without actually knowing why. It's a self-aware masterpiece that really questions what marriage is fundamentally about - and it's nothing like a Disney princess movie, but it's not horrible either. So many of us have been in dead-end relationships, hoping he'll change or have had doubts about someone we love, thinking the grass is greener on the other side. As my wise co-worker told me recently, maybe you are on the side with the greener grass. This book confirms it for me! Whether you agree with it or not, it really makes you think! Highly recommended. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Carly Thompson | 2/7/2014

    " Despite the somewhat provocative title, this book offers advice for both men and women (although it is definitely geared toward white upper middle class women). Boiled down, the premise is don't be overly judgmental about romantic partners. Marriage is about compromise and acceptance, the dashing Heathcliff of your fantasies isn't the guy who will get up in the middle of the night to comfort a crying baby. The author (and many of her female friends) have the problem of dumping nice guys who aren't exciting enough or pursuing guys who aren't interested in family life, which has left them single and alone in the early 40s with diminishing prospects. Gottlieb tries to change her behavior and open herself up to dating different types of men (no more turning down guys who aren't tall). There is some good stuff in there about looking for people with the same values not all of the same interests and realizing that marriage won't satisfy all of your needs. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Cheryl | 2/6/2014

    " This book really had me look at myself in a different light. I am superficial when it comes to what I look for in a mate and have discounted some guys on some pretty shallow reasons, just like the ladies in the book that are still single and searching for love. We are searching for this ideal person who is not real. I need to take some of the 'must have' items off of my list and see what kind of relationship I can foster on character instead of looks or material things. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Elise Ayeh | 2/1/2014

    " I like this book because it goes against modern dating advice to women (as found in He's Just Not That Into You) and uses research and evidence to reinforce her approach to finding someone to marry. It totally changes my mindset on what to consider when dating someone. I can't testify as to it's accuracy yet, but I can't wait to try it! "

  • 1 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 51 out of 5 Erika | 1/19/2014

    " I read this based on a friend's recommendation, but if Captain Beatty is looking for a book to burn, I'd gladly throw this one to the flames. At times intriguing and insightful, Gottlieb's self-help journal grated on my nerves for the majority of the time I spent reading it. Obviously, the controversial title is off-putting. Settling? Mr. Good Enough? These are words that would startle even a non-feminist, nevermind someone like myself. Gottlieb paints a bleak picture for single women, particularly those over 30, and especially those 40 and older. She dashes dreams by comparing marriage to a "business partnership". And, if the whole book weren't depressing enough, she doesn't leave the reader with a happy ending. (Oh. That's right. This isn't a fairy tale.) If you look a bit deeper though, the message of this book is clear: Mr. Perfect doesn't exist because he's a figment of the imagination. In actuality, what you perceive to be "Mr. Good Enough" IS your Mr. Perfect. (And he's not an alpha male...) "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 charity | 1/10/2014

    " This might be one of the best of the 'date/get married' books. What I thought would be a depressing book about settling for less turned out to be an encouraging and hopeful book that shows how a realistic approach to dating, love and marriage can get you exactly what you want. The author chronicles her own search for marriage while doing a lot of research on why the modern marriage isn't working, why it seems so hard for women to find someone, how women sabotage themselves out of perfectly good relationships that probably would have led to marriage. I expected not to like this book. However, the author isn't saying settle for anyone, but rather that good enough is more than enough, love/chemistry isn't always something that happens immediately but is built over time and that the superficials women always focus on like height, hair color, common interests won't matter down the road. Instead, women should focus on the qualities that will matter: character, values, personality, life goals and broaden the search to include men that you might have otherwise bypassed because even if they don't seem to be what you want on the surface, they might turn out to be exactly what you need. The book is very well-written, well researched. I couldn't put it down! Having read quite a few titles in this genre now, I'd pair this with "He's just not that into you". Together they cover the gamut and, in my opinion, are the only ones you need should you find yourself in this stage. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Whitney Coble | 1/7/2014

    " Such an insightful book. To me this book was less about "settling" and more abou the ridiculous standards that women set for men they date. I would reccomend this to any single girl I know. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Amy | 1/6/2014

    " incredibly depressing statistics "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Sasha | 12/24/2013

    " I really enjoyed this book because it included research findings as well as real-life stories. I highly recommend it to any woman who is single and can not figure out why. I was laughing about some of the reasons why women ended relationships with decent men. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Tamar | 12/17/2013

    " I kept telling my friends that this woman had written our story... "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 M | 12/10/2013

    " I am in the "getting older and single" category. Luckily, I don't have the biological clock issue, but I would like to get married someday. This book makes a lot of sense, even if you don't really want to hear some of the advice. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Sylvia | 8/4/2013

    " Well written advice. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Saira | 5/31/2013

    " Predictably narcissistic, filled with the type of vapid pop culture references that have misdirected women about relationships for years, nay, centuries. Still... Reads like a diary entry, or transcript of late night talks in the dorms. in that way was a guilty pleasure read. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Toosdhi | 8/23/2012

    " Very important lessons for me to keep in mind regarding what is really important in developing a long-term relationship. Is it a want or a need...always remember the difference. Differintiate between pickiness, minor annoyances, actual deal breakers and focus on appreciation. "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Becky | 1/29/2012

    " I would recommend this book to anyone who is still single. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Nicole Caliro | 11/24/2011

    " I usually can't stand any kind of self improvement books, but I really like this one. It was hilarious and read more like a memoir than self help, but I still feel it had a lot to say about the horribly unrealistic standards of modern women. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Ebony | 11/17/2011

    " Interesting, too long, but made the point without, I thought, being misogynist. "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Sara Z | 6/23/2011

    " the title does not give this book justice "

  • 4 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 54 out of 5 Rachelle | 6/6/2011

    " EVERY SINGLE SINGLE woman should read this book. Maybe even married ones. It's NOT about settling, it's about realism. "

  • 2 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 52 out of 5 Saira | 5/2/2011

    " Predictably narcissistic, filled with the type of vapid pop culture references that have misdirected women about relationships for years, nay, centuries. Still... Reads like a diary entry, or transcript of late night talks in the dorms. in that way was a guilty pleasure read. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Alison | 2/12/2011

    " Interesting book, confirmed something I already knew - that Gretchen is the wisest woman I know. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Stephanie | 2/2/2011

    " This book definitely provides good perspective for a single woman over 35. Unfortunately, the advice may have come too late. While I found it educational and funny at times, it made me slightly depressed. "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Monica | 1/25/2011

    " Despite not being a forty-year-old single woman, this book *terrified* me.... "

  • 3 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 53 out of 5 Mary | 1/16/2011

    " Not a bad read, but not one that I'd recommend to just anyone. I'd prefer to recommend it to single women who are open to hearing about how Mr. Perfect may not be out there and therefore shouldn't be waited for! "

  • 5 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 55 out of 5 Yesenia | 1/7/2011

    " I have to admit I thought the book was a Joke and I started reading it been a skeptic but working the first pages it made me realize I was guilty of the same mistakes she was mentioning. I'm 29 and single and the book has been an eye opening "

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